Venturing outside.

We had a few quick errands to tend to and I decided to tag along to get some fresh air and stretch my legs. On Tuesday I had an appointment with my PCP, and I was ready to get back home an hour later. I have since only left the house three times, for a short walk to the corner and back. We spent only half an hour at Wally Mart and I was tired and dizzy by the time we reached the registers. Next was a fifteen minute jaunt to T@rget. P dropped me off at the front and I told him (and Abu and SS) to meet me in the deodorant aisle. I managed to barely make it halfway when I heard SS calling out for me. Talk about an embarrassing realization. He parked the van, got SS out, waited for slow poke Abu, and I had hardly moved. The next stop was the supermarket, and that is when I had to put my pride aside. I asked P to find a spot with shade, because there was no way I could walk more. They shopped and I kept myself busy surfing the net with my phone.

Anyone who has seen me or my picture knows that I am by no means athletic, but I could manage to walk. It's such a let down to have to admit that I am not doing as well as I intended at this point. P reminded of the 45 minute walk we took in the hospital late last Saturday night. He noted that I was running on pure adrenaline, and my tunnel vision was set on coming home to SS. It is so frustrating to admit that I am hurting and not able to look after SS on my own.

Here is the kicker, I might be on my own with SS next Saturday. Actually, Monday, since P is home most weekends. Abu seems determined to leave on Friday, regardless of how I am feeling. She offered to come, I would have NEVER asked. I have never asked for help for myself. I have been on my own since I was 16, and done well. We only accepted because of SS. She does know Abu and is comfortable with her. But Abu must rush to tend to her husband and my 51 year old, unemployed, bail jumping, loser brother. He showed up in P.R. (from CA) unannounced, uninvited, unwanted and without a cent on him. This after being told by Abu that she was flying to CA due to my medical emergency. Apparently he can't feed himself either. Never mind tiny SS and her needs. Abu said that we have "trained her well, you just tell her to sit by you until her father comes home," and that by Friday I'll be "100% better, running up and down the stairs." Silly me, taking the surgeon at face value when he told me how close I was to die, when he told me to take life saving surgery seriously, and that recovery would be slow due to what my body went through. Good thing we trained our daughter well. She can change her own diapers, do the laundry, cook and clean. Violating child labor laws has really paid off for us. Heh

I am a weed, "A plant that is growing where it is not wanted, it can have strong and healthy growth, and is able to overgrow valued plants by overcrowding, thus depleting soil nutrients and moisture that would otherwise be available to preferred plants." That's me, this weed is going to do just fine, as long as I have my baby weed by my side. :)

I was worried until this afternoon. Worrying is not going to accomplish anything. It's only going to affect SS emotionally, since she picks up on my moods easily. I have P and he can be here in minutes if needed. I recalled when Mami told me that she was very ill when I was barely one year old. Abu could not take time off work (??!!), and Mami did not want to hand me over to someone else to care for me. She told me about crawling to the kitchen to warm up my bottles and food. Mami made it a game with me, and we sat down on the floor while she fed me. She was 68 years old. She is where I get my weed heritage. I am tough and stubborn, I take beatings and keep on ticking. SS and I are just going to have to adjust to my slowness and limitations. We'll have to sleep on the sofa downstairs, because I can't lift her from her crib, and SS will have to be by my side when the nurse changes my dressing. Maybe SS can take over and do those as well. Oh, and forget about taking pain med when P is not here. Good times I tell you. Years from now P, SS and I are going to look back on all this and hopefully we'll smile, knowing that it was really difficult, but we made it through as a family.

Good news, JJ will be here Monday and Tuesday. SS is going to be thrilled when she sees him. She is also going to dazzle him with the new additions to her vocabulary, C-bag, wound and incision.

SS scored more clearance Halloween paraphernalia.

Helping with groceries.

Skelanimals from left to right:Oliver Owl, Dax Mummy, Kit Cat, Diego Bat and Timmy Spider. Ollie was full price, Dax half price, and the last three were 69 cents each. T@rget had their H goods for 90% 0ff. We are letting SS play with all of them for now. Later we will rotate them, one at a time. OK, we are suckers; wait, I did not buy any of them. P is a sucker, but we have to stock up on H stuff to keep SS from falling apart.