Walking with SS is no longer easy.

Six months is a long time for a now three year old, and I should have known better. After my surgery, embarrassment about what has pretty much kept me from doing the things I enjoyed. I am an anxious social mess at my best, when I encounter a social situation (group gatherings, parties, weddings, showers, etc.), I can only think about it ending. The addition of a colostomy skyrocketed my anxieties, and P went along with it until Chinese New Year and the kids' birthdays. At that point he was done indulging my fears and played the it's for JJ and SS card. Inspired by my friend Michelle I decided to try a short walk with SS today. Since P went to work early again we waited for him. It did not cross this scattered brain that the man was up at 3:00 a.m. and would be in no mood to walk. Oops!

SS was SO excited to see her Hummer again that she just hopped in as soon as I got it out of the garage, and would not get out. I had to wait for P to come home to get her to move so we could get it in the van.


On to the walk of mistakes, it was a really bad idea to let SS see the aquatic center. It did not matter that there was no water in the pool, and not a soul in sight, SS just had to go inside. She refused to smile for a picture we wanted to send to Michelle to let her see that I was out and about again.

Five minutes into our walk we spotted this sign. P declared that we would have to go home. Dude, there are so many miles of trails around the river, we just had to drive to the main entrance and enter through the bridge. I did not think that getting SS back in the van was going to be problematic. I can be dense that way.



In the picture below SS is doing her hell no I won't sit down peacefully protest. That was again entirely my fault, because I always allow SS to walk across the bridge. SS took some of her first tentative steps here and it is still a favorite today. P allowed her to do her thing, hoping that SS would settle and be her quiet, happy go lucky, enjoying the ride self. Sucker! It was awful getting her back in, she refused, she cried, she whined, she convulsed, she screamed as though she was being beaten. We were so grateful for her lack of language skills. A year from now we can see her screaming "Stranger danger, I have been abducted, call the police!"





Darn thing works, it was 3:00p.m. when I took the picture. And right here began my 45 minutes from hell. SS was cranky and cried, "No Mama, no walk." P piped in "That's what I'm thinking." I told P they could return to the bridge and wait for me, but that would be easy and would not inflict any suffering upon his succubus of a wife. So he kept going in one of the best moods I have ever seen him. As tired as he was, he would not leave me alone our first time out.

SS was so easy during our walks, she did whine but it took only one time letting her now that after Mama's walk she could have her fun, and SS would settle and do her own thing. It is going to be a lot of work to get her there again, if that is possible. I am going to bring her music and headphones Thursday and see if that helps.

I love my Sn00py water bottle, the only thing that would make it better is if it was bigger. P bought it for me (and s smaller one for SS) at Camp Sn00py five years ago. I guess it's made for the short crowd. I miss Camp Sn00py, I miss Southern California.

Everybody is Kung fu fighting...