Spectacular S: Keeping things in perspective.

Last Wednesday I was going through my pre SS is awake routine. I had P's uniform ready for his monthly safety meeting, the only time he leaves home in uniform. My clothes were ready, then I moved on to SS's, and could not find the blouse I wanted her to wear that morning. I could have sworn it was with the rest of her uniforms but I could not locate the darn thing. This would be a problem if the girl was hurting for clothing, just choose another one and move on. But one of my worst flaws is how difficult it is to change gears when I have my mind set on something. So there I was looking for the blouse, mumbling under my breath, being a brat. When P sees me in that mode he simply gives me space, he went outside to read his beloved news. As I came back in the living room P says "We have a BIG problem," serious face, grave tone of voice. I kept on my fruitless search, which made P call to me again to please go outside.

Now, why didn't I rush out to my husband other than the fact that I am a lousy wife? I'm used to that tone and look, it has happened a few times during our time together. Let's review some of the BIG issues we have had to deal with:

Right now P is mourning the end of Breaking Bad, and he will never EVER find a show that he can connect with on such a deep level. The man grew up in front of a TV, I'm sure he will find a substitute.

Then there's the Snoopy license plate debacle. He signed up for it, he made sure I did the same.But alas, no license plate yet, and P is mad as hell. There are frequent outbursts of how we can live in a State, let alone a country that does not recognize Snoopy's historical significance.He is seriously considering raising SS in another country.Details to follow as they develop.

Susan Sarandon's betrayal was also BIG. She was a big crush of my husband and it was understood he would drop me like a bad habit if she ever became available. And when she did I accepted our fate. But before P could come home and kiss me and SS goodbye, Susan hooked up with a thirty two year old ping pong playing nerd. The woman is dead to him.

So maybe that is why I did not rush, but P insisted. When I stepped outside he handed me his phone and asked me to read. Sorry, no glasses, blind, you read. But P insisted, so I held the phone at arm's length from my eyes and was able to make out that there was a fire the night before at a B&G club. Our daughter's clubhouse, where she was due in less than hour to catch a bus to school. We did worry, and I was more concerned because I was too damn busy making a big deal about a stupid blouse. While I was mumbling around P was planning to drive over to the club, and if the $200,000 in damage meant no bus service, he would take personal time off to drive SS to school then bring her home. He did not want me to stress out, and he knew that we would work out something. The damage was big, but the building was structurally sound, and life goes on, except that the teen room was destroyed. The fire was caused by a mini fridge in that room. We are incredibly grateful there were no kids at the club.

And while this is about keeping things in perspective, finding a stupid item of clothing versus what we were going to do with SS, it's also at the heart of our daily worries. It is why we are not a part of the G0d will provide fan club. Because although once I calmed down I realized that B&G club would have a plan B, well I still worried. And while P thought the same, he still worried. Because we are the ones providing for SS, because she is not as blessed as I was to have grandparents waiting at home. There are those moments of panic about what ifs. The longer SS is at home, the more we come to realize that although we took an unusual path to become a couple, and another unusual path to becoming a family, we are very cautious about where we go next. Dreams are wonderful, even if there's pain along the way of realizing them. Our journey to SS was hell on so many aspects, but meeting her, finally bringing her home, and having the privilege to see the world through her eyes has been an amazing gift. We would love to enjoy that gift again, but not at the cost of SS, not at the cost of what she deserves.

Enough about this let's go in circles while we know the end result silliness. This morning we headed out to get SS to see the dinosaurs at Cabazon, on our way to our last summer hurrah. P and I stopped at that same spot 17 years ago on our way back from Joshua Tree. It's where I learned of P's fear of heights, albeit too late as we had reached the summit of our rock climb. We always planned to bring SS and we finally made it happen.