Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Another one bites the dust.

Or in SS's case another $5, and once again it happened on our bed. SS was blissfully watching Modern Family reruns when she nonchalantly announced "my tooth came out." I am beginning to suspect SS takes after her Baba. P told me when he got his first Tooth Fairy pay out (don't remember the amount) he seriously considered using pliers to get more teeth out, and thus more money. So sweet a girl taking after her father's penchant for cash brought by a mystical creature. To be clear, I think their love of Tooth Fairy money is freaking adorable. And this one did not leave a gummy gum, so no trauma, and SS gets her money tomorrow morning. Only because unlike her I don't carry cash I pay with my debit card for everything Baba, SS's Mama is old school and does carry a small amount of cash.

I need to check but this may be SS's last baby bottom tooth.  And if it is we need to schedule an orthodontic consult regarding SS's non existent adult tooth in the middle. SS will need a transplant before she begins the inevitable braces journey. P like Dr. Lee thinks it won't be an issue until adolescence. However, they do not realize how self conscious SS really is because they focus on her I damn well know I'm a girl, but I love super heroes, and I will wear super hero costumes, play super hero games, wear super hero clothes, know everything about super heroes, be offended when people assume I am or like princess shit, tough girl personality. SS is incredibly self conscious, as evidenced by her decision to take off her glasses for her school picture. Plus a lot of other stuff I have to properly think through before hitting my husband with a blunt object to make him realize his eight year old daughter is already self conscious.

That being said it's completely understandable that P is avoiding the necessary tooth implant and braces (they are done in stages now, so SS could have her implant and bottom braces done). And I am certain it is not about the cost, which will be significant, given the mess that are our girl's teeth. I have no memory of losing baby teeth, but it seemed JJ's did not fall or come off as fast as SS's. It's about SS growing up and in a different way as most kids. SS was a preemie, small, slow to develop. I recall Nana saying SS had piano playing fingers when they first met. I really didn't get it, since SS was small for her age by US standards. Then Min astutely explained that while SS's hands were indeed small her fingers where long, thus piano playing fingers. Since Nana is Min's wife, and they gave SS a kitty keyboard I took Min's comment as spouse devotion. Guess what, the girl still has small hands, but her fingers are indeed long for her tiny hands. Although not in a freakish way, but an elegant way as Min described it at the time. And while Nana and Min could envision SS as a piano player, P and I were not ready to see her as anything more than our baby. An innocent, helpless baby that needed us, and how dare you think about her tiny fingers on piano keys. :)

SS is no longer a baby and P and I are dealing with the inevitable in different ways. We have posted about how we share the same values although our upbringings are so opposite. That has worked brilliantly co parenting JJ and SS. Here's the difference, we did not co parent JJ at this age. While we share the same values we do have different prisms and coping mechanisms. So here we are now, P thinking SS is not self conscious, and me, watching her be so self aware. 

The great thing is JJ taught us so much, and to whom we owe an apology. Me, it was me, the parenting mistakes were mine, are mine, and will be mine. Thus we will listen to SS and come to a decision that benefits her, not our preferences about what should be done.SS is growing up much faster than we ever envisioned. When she came home the plan was to bring a little brother home, and that is still what we pine for, but we must be realistic about how feasible it will be. Never thought we would be living this dream while grieving the loss of that dream. We should be grateful for SS and we ARE and will always be. Now we need to come to terms with our loss, our very real loss because we dreamed of him at the same time as we dreamed of SS. She would come home first, them him. He has clothes, toys, a name, and we know the furniture we want for his room, including decor and toys. He has clothes, toys and other things at home, just like SS. It does not seem right not to bring him home.  

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