The sun came out to play.

The sun came out and we took advantage of it this afternoon. We drove to a playground I discovered accidentally shortly after coming home from China. We have never seen anyone there, and wondered it there was a good reason. Last thing we wanted to do was place S in the middle of a drug deal gone bad. But it is a good, safe area, so we tried it.

Hat, sunglasses, P.R. t-shirt, pan and ready to roll.

The sudden appearance of the sun must have emboldened SS and fried the few brain cells I had left. She wanted to try this, and our girl is not the daring type. She insisted, whined, and I thought why not?

She made it to the fourth step when I just had to capture this daring moment for P, and snapped this picture. The few seconds it took me to step back and shoot were enough to make SS come to her senses. She asked me to pick her up. Darn, there goes that Cirque du Soleil toddler audition.
P just saw this picture. His reaction? "Oh God!"

SS boldly tried this one and got to the top (obviously with my hands firmly planted on her back), but did not want to step onto the play structure. Sorry, no pics, I was not about to let go of her after my previous lapse in judgment. We will try it again when Baba can join us.


SS ignored the two other shorter slides, and went on this one more than I have ever seen her slide anywhere.

Check out how cool her static hair looks.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I left the van with only SS, my phone and my purse camera. I am going to have to start wearing cargo pants, because I am obviously SS's entourage. That's her hat in my pocket.

I am also good for storing her sunglasses.

This is a good picture to keep in mind whenever we say we do not know where SS gets things from. This is how I found her when I opened her van door at home. Good place to store your sunglasses Baby.

We had a great time and only encountered a couple of teens making out (we did ruin their mood and they quickly departed), and a skateboarder, who oddly enough sat down on a nearby picnic table and did his homework.

Thank you Mr. Sun for coming out to play with us. We are even more thankful than SS because she was out cold by 7:00. She slept through a diaper change, actually snored through it. SS woke up crying at 8:00 p.m., we brought her downstairs to the sofa, and she returned to sleep. Guess it was one of those times of "just checking to make sure you guys are still there." We returned her to her crib an hour later, and she is still snoozing.

Mama made something for me?

I forgot to address SS's temper tantrums, aka royal meltdowns in this household. They are now infrequent, and it sort of sneaked up on us. We are also becoming more adept at recognizing the warning signs and avoiding a full eruption. Either that or SS did it all on her own and as usual we are taking credit. Although TV is still banned (we will slip up with the Olympics, I just know it), we do have the music channels on almost all day. SS has become a connoisseur of popular music. For some reason listening to music really makes it easier to deal with her moments. We also sure that as her language skills progress it is much easier to avoid tantrums.

Since SS listens to pop music more than she ever listens to children's songs, we know we will have a few embarrassing moments in our future. We could simply avoid those moments by being more selective about what she hears, but that would be way too easy and responsible on our parts. SS is repeating a lot more and it is a hoot. A few things she has said, a lot as she was falling asleep, "downtown train, downtown train," "whip it, whip it good," "don't worry, be happy," "(living) la vida loca" (LOVES that song) and "baby love shack." Hey, it could be Ge0rge Mich@el's "I W@nt Y0ur S*x" which has a really catchy beat. The Bee Gees also captivate her, something about their harmony that makes her sing along. If she could only carry a tune.

SS also recognizes Mich@el Jacks0n's voice, but his appearance puzzles her. Our cable channel feeds pictures of the artists (a great alternative to videos, which SS can't watch). In J@ckson's case, they display pictures from childhood to adulthood. SS is trying to wrap her brain around how a beautiful African American man with an Afro, grew up to be a White man with a bad looking weave. She seems to be OK until the pictures from his Bad CD, after that it is all WTF looks.

About a month ago SS and I were in a fabric store. I know, I belong in a fabric store as much as I belong in church. I saw about a dozen Sn00py fabric panels,, but not why we were there. Those are the times that I really hate not being creative. They had so much to choose from and all screamed SS at us. When I came home I G00gled fleece blankets and came up with this. I thought about giving it a shot, even though something this simple is beyond my abilities. For one, I can't cut in a straight line to save my life. I know that this is something children should master before kindergarten, so I'm really glad I scraped by with a college degree,

Since there are so many Sn00py things out there, why did I want to make something? Wish I knew, but the same happened with JJ when I felt compelled to make him something. It was so cheesy that I won't discuss it here. Suffice it to say that it is an activity I learned in school, one of those rainy day, let's keep them quiet things. Then SS came along and that compulsion resurfaced. We picked the two patterns and they remained in the closet because I was afraid of messing it up.

This afternoon I decided that I would have it done before the Olympic opening ceremonies. Like the Beijing games, the Vancouver games are important to us and to SS, so it made sense to have it done tonight. When P arrived home, he was surprised that I started without him, mainly because of SS. Sunshine then got down to what he does best, spread good will among men.

P: "Baby, I don't mean to be offensive, but..."
Me: You do realize that a statement that begins like that won't end well, yet you are going to keep going."
P: "... yes, I'm weird that way. This is the most creative thing I have ever seen you do."

Awwwww, Sunshine indeed, I think that is his new name. I still do not understand his fetish for getting knee deep in excrement, but it is who he is. And we do love teasing each other about our short comings.

SS loved her blanket, although I think I could have used less fabric. She now has one and a half yards of fleece to wrap around her little body. As you can see below, she appears to be enjoying herself. BTW, this is not a cheap project, but that was our own doing, because we chose a copyrighted theme. But we could not think of anything more fitting for SS. P wants two Angels blankets (for him and SS to watch the games) to be delivered in April. What he does not know is that I can get these things out of my system with just one try.

Glimpses of trust.

We have held up on posting about a development in SS's sleep. Come on, you know as soon as we hit publish, all that progress will vanish. SS has been spending more time in her crib and has had some solid 12 hours of sleep. It did come at a price, getting kicked, head butted and breached upon for 18 months. We are relieved that we are witnessing some glimpses of trust and we know we have a long road ahead of us. But for now, we are very happy that SS seems to be finally trusting that we will be there the next day.

Naturally, we have been talking about how we handled SS's need to be with us, and we still stand behind over indulging her. Would we have done it if she was with us from day one? Seriously doubt it. Parenthood is not for wimps, but IA takes a little more effort and sacrifice. But oh so well worth it. We have not always been paragons of virtue about SS's needs, we both have had our moments. Lucky for us, we made a deal when we began co parenting 14 years ago. We can't both go crazy at the same time, or we lose the battle right there. So we take turns being the cranky, self righteous one. There have been times when one of us just wants to drop SS's cute behind in her crib and let her cry. I know that it has been more difficult for P, because there is that implication that he is not tough enough to let SS cry it out. I am grateful that he has been able to trust his gut, and realize that no one but the three of us have insight into SS's needs. Never mind the emotional investment and obligation to give her what she deserves, our love, time and patience. Speaking of moments, P was aghast that I had SS in bed after the surgery. So I took a few kicks to the gut, no biggie. Because now we are seeing those glimpses that give us hope, and not only in the bedroom.

SS has been playing on her own more, does not need us by her side when we take her to the playground. Last time we went to the Mall P and I sat down and watched SS play, a first. One of us is always next to her, or she won't maintain. Also, SS, the child unable to miss out on a shower or bath (even if she just had one) has declined to join me in the shower at least three times. It still stuns me, but she was more interested in cooking in her room and stayed there.

When SS had her two year check up last year, Dr. S was not pleased about us regressing SS and was blunt about it. Great, make sure not to do it with your children or grandchildren. She was especially upset about us feeding SS. Again, a tough decision and everyone has their take on what is healthy. SS was not attending preschool and had a stay at home parent. P and I felt confident that she would be feeding herself by the time he walked her down the aisle. SS has always enjoyed when we feed her. It is a bonding thing for us, something no one else does for her, a way of teaching her about what a family is. By the time he was 16 months, JJ would not allow me to feed him. I remember those "how dare you" daggers he would shoot at me through his beautiful eyes. Different kids, different needs. We are happy to report that SS is feeding herself more, asserting her independence. Do most kids her age have it down? Yes they do, but SS is not most kids.

Another point of contention with Dr. S was us dressing SS. Another instance when we knew it was not going to hurt her overall development to help her. SS can dress herself, including her slip on shoes, when she feels like it. The more we see her taking the initiative to be self sufficient, the more grateful we are for that baby time she allowed us. It does go against almost every parenting tenet one has with previous children, but it works.

A big part of our ability to allow SS time "to be fully cooked" (like P refers to it) is the support we received from JJ. Poor guy had to be offended and puzzled when I (P fought me on that one, felt JJ had to be included) decided that SS needed serious only Mama and Baba attention. The guy is good enough to take over parenting if we croak, but for a while he could not hold her or meet her needs. It was a tough time for both JJ and P, but both knew it was not about them. It may seem impossible but I love them even more for that. Now we are right on target to drop SS at his doorstep as soon as she hits puberty. No way are we going to stick around for the wrath of mini Kahn. :)

We'll see what SS's three year old check up brings our way. For now, we are hopeful and enjoying this new side of our unpredictable daughter.



SS requested her "pretty jacket" this morning. Another change in our little control freak is that she can now sometimes stand long sleeves. As usual, on her terms, not ours. Her sippy cup is as much a security blanket as D-O-G.

When I saw her pants at Gymb0ree, I immediately thought about this blose. See P, sometimes I get the color thing right. :)

The C Scowl, the Universal cue to drop the camera and not tee her off.

Still loving getting the mail.

Because mail is such a rare thing, SS insisted that we drive to Baba's work and share our finding.

The problem with teaching your child to throw stones in the river. The only casualty will be our cars.

Reality really sucks, time to talk about my next surgery.

We had an appointment with Dr.PB about my upcoming surgery. He suggested a consult with another surgeon who can do the procedure via laparoscopy. The upside is the shortened recovery time and my ginormous incision would not have to be reopened. Not that it matters that much aesthetically, my torso is already mutilated. The down side is the possibility that once the surgeon sees what he is up against, he won't be able to reverse the procedure that way, and I end up in a lot of pain either way. Some good news from the scan, no more diverticulitis and no need to remove another chunk of intestine. I'll believe it when I am home fully recovered.

I can definitely live with a 2 day hospital stay, and that is my goal, much to P's annoyance. We are already butting heads about what I need to do in order to recover. Who the heck wants to hang out in a hospital wearing a gown that shows your backside? Besides, those places are cesspools of contamination, who the heck wants to be surrounded by sick people? But the man just does not see things my way. It should still take about a month to get OR time, and that means right smack on JJ's & SS's birthdays. After carefully consideration (1/2 second) I have decided to wait until after their birthdays. P is not too sure, but this is about my body, therefore my choice.

Also, JJ is going to be here for this surgery and he needs to request a week or so off. While I hate being a burden, I am big enough to admit that I really want to see both my kids before heading into bowel hell. Last time I was very upset when P called JJ, because I did not want him to worry about something he could not do anything about. P was adamant that we do not keep this type of information from our kids. I was in too much pain to argue, and only asked him to at least soften the information and be positive. After my last appointment with Dr. PB and the realization that I was in pretty awful shape, I have reconsidered some of my control freak ways of wanting to be strong. I need my kids, they are the reason I'm still walking around causing mayhem.

Then there is SS, my main concern. All I have to do is wince and she becomes hyper vigilant. I wish I could wait longer for the reversal, simply to give her time to heal emotionally. Then there is the possibility that she won't, that she'll always be waiting for something to happen to her Mama. Also, not looking forward to her regressing more, but again, we have to accept, adapt and move on.

All jokes about my mutilated torso aside, I am ready to move on. This has been a truly humiliating experience. I have no idea who implanted the stubborn chip in me, but accepting help is difficult for me. I was taught to give help and I have to problem helping strangers. But accepting help? Kind of difficult, even when it comes from my husband. P constantly reminds me that I would do the same for him. True, I would, without giving it a thought. That is a comfort zone for me (no pun intended). P has been a trooper, because dealing with me when I am healthy and happy is difficult. Dealing with me when I am wallowing in self pity not a fun ride. Who knows, maybe in a few years I can have cosmetic surgery and achieve some sense of relief and normalcy.

When P came home this afternoon, he remembered that with all the gloom and doom talk, he forgot to compliment me. Me? For what? P said "Baby you do not know the first thing about matching colors. But you did a great job with SS today, you might be actually be learning." Heh. I'm going to start calling him Sunshine.

This picture is not going to be as funny when it comes up during SS's rehab stint.

I got her to smile by telling her that we were on our way to meet Baba.

Why yes, Mama put this outfit together, color blindness aside.

This afternoon P and SS were playing and P grabbed the camera. Always good to see SS's smiling mug.









SS's hair is getting long, need to start thinking about her first haircut since coming home. We are still surprised that her hair has wave to it and worry if she'll lose it with a trim.

Fun with beans.

Most of us California parents have been hit really hard by the recent storms. We are used to be out and about with our kids and that is just not an option. Thank Goddess for the blogosphere, because as everyone knows, I am not the creative type. I came across this great idea from a very creative Mom. A reader suggested the beans in a bowl idea, and she did it with her girls with lentils and rice. I used the link to the list of suggestions in case anyone would like to take a look and use them. I am keeping the list in mind to use when SS and I are home alone after my next surgery.

I had the beans around for a few days after her fun post about how that activity kept her VERY active girls occupied. Tonight, P and I had something to do that involved a deadline and teamwork. We tried to keep SS involved, but it was really hindering our progress. I told P it was time to get out the beans, bowl, cups, measuring spoons, funnels and scoops out. I did not have a plastic tablecloth handy, a bed sheet did the job over the coffee table.

SS (like JJ) only places food, drink and her fingers (JJ did not even do fingers) in her mouth. Also like JJ, she's not a fan of placing things in her nose or ears. That is, except for her unique way to celebrate Obam@’s inauguration. Honestly, that is the only time she has done that. Those beans bought us two hours of bliss. Hyper focusing is a wonderful thing at times. SS measured, funneled, counted, examined and whatever else came to mind with those beans. Sorry about the hair, she was really squirming around when I attempted a pony tail.

I should have known it would be a hit, because I spent a lot of time bean sorting with Mami. I am not a purist, so beans out of a can are fine with me. Maybe one of these days I will sit down and sort beans with SS, just like Mami did with me. It made me feel important, like I was contributing something. I am sure I slowed her down something awful, but she never let on. I have a lot to learn from her, her grace, and her patience.

Those are not flowers.

SS's high chair, like her playpen has an under the sea theme. The tray has two toys attached to keep little ones amused. It also has a toy that has sea creatures inside floating in water and plays music. P assembled the high chair before we left for China, so we had time to get used to its features. Ever since SS came home we have been calling the the attached toys flowers. There's the yellow and green flower and the orange and blue flower. Recently, SS pointed and said "No Mama, CRAB!" Huh? Upon closer examination, I realized that our daughter was right, the orange/blue flower is a crab. Holy cow, the yellow/green flower is a sea star!

I felt, well, not so confident about my intellect at that moment. I wondered why P did not correct me all this time (he certainly enjoys it). When he came home I asked if he paid attention to her high chair toys and what are they. P confidently told me that the orange one is a crab. So he knew? I'm the only dumb one in this family? P then sheepishly told me that SS corrected him, and that is when he noticed that those are not flowers.

As SS approaches her third birthday, we are naturally worrying about her development. We did last year, and she did not qualify for Early Intervention services. SS is not the problem here, she is not slow, however, her parents are very slow. Maybe they have a late intervention program for us slow folks.

Nope, not flowers.

How could we have missed those cute little claws?

OK, the sea star is a little less obvious, right?

When she was still considered a baby. *Sniff*

Hey guys!

Look what I have, an ombligo, weego, weego.

Ticklish baby.