Happy Thanksgiving

JJ is home, bird's in the oven, and our foul tempered child is napping. This is as good as it gets, our island of four. No driving, no flying, no hassles, and everyone can walk around in shorts (me) or PJs (SS) if they please. Last year we were thankful that I managed to hang around a while longer. This year we are grateful that Grandpa has managed to hang on. Just a few days ago P said that if this trends continues he is going to hate holidays. My husband is all heart.

P and JJ are watching Starship Troopers, they both actually like the darn movie, actually find it funny. I guess some things are so awful that in turn it makes them funny. Like Kate Gosselin and Bristol Palin on DWTS.

The images below are from two years ago, SS was not in a picture taking mood this morning. Plus, she looks so freaking adorable in that picture. When did she grow? When did she lose her baby chub? Can we get it back? The second one is just plain funny.

Wishing everyone the best food coma ever.

The down side to wearing shorts in late November.

Life is good when it is sunny in late November. Then the real cold comes in overnight and your California shorts wearing child refuses to dress warm, wear a hat or mittens. Well little stubborn girl it's 33 degrees outside and the heck if you are wearing shorts, a short sleeve shirt, and no jacket. Yes your brother did that, but that was before I had the fear of CPS dropping by and making our lives a living hell.

SS had a rough night, she was up the latest she has been since the school bedtime began. P wanted her in bed with us because her room was drafty, and she proceeded to kick both of us hard. At a point I had to place her at the foot of the bed to give my back a rest. Then I felt guilty as heck and SS ended up sleeping on top of me. We just keep telling ourselves that she will soon not want this. Yeah, right.

This morning was hellish, as SS fought everything. I have no idea how we made it to school. She cried about brushing her hair, brushing her teeth, about not being able to bring ALL her toys to school, about JJ not arriving until tomorrow, about the state of the economy...

P felt horrible when we dropped by because SS's face was tear stained. Darn, that trick has never worked for me. P complimented SS's hat and mittens, then asked the usual question, when did we get them. In this case over three years before SS came home. It's so weird that we still have stuff for her future use from so long ago. SS was not buying how cute she looked in her warm gear to improve her mood. Baba came to the rescue and took us to his break room where he allowed SS to play with the chess board, and I got a nice cup of cinnamon coffee. P then chased his daughter outside and when we departed I had a happy SS. I must admit that the dude comes in handy occasionally. So what if SS was late for school? Her Baba made her smile and that is worth a tardy on her record. Good thing we never expected SS to have a good school record.

If SS wasn't in such a bad mood this morning, I would have been the grumpy one. The girl has outgrown all her long pants and long sleeved shirts. SS is as short as she was last summer, when did her legs stretch. With the arms, for someone so short, she actually takes after her Baba, they both have long wing spans.

One more sleep and JJ will be home. Finally, something positive to look forward to for all of us.

Yeah women!

Last week I walked in the middle of a conversation between P and SS.

P: People call the pen*s a private, because it is a private part. It means that only I
or my doctor touch it.
SS: I have a gina*
P: Yes you do, and it is also private, no one gets to touch it.
SS: Mama has a gina. I have a gina.
P: Yes, you both have vaginas**.
SS: You no have gina.
P: No, I don't.
SS: Comes over, kisses me and exclaims "Yeah GINAS!"

On Monday I had to change a very runny diaper for SS. The consistency, amount and smell caught me off guard (darn that cold). I quickly grabbed more wipes and asked SS to please be very still. SS is averigua (nosy) as heck and just had to know what the fuss was about.

SS: What happened Mama? (As in why are you shrieking and making a face of disgust, you are an experienced toxic diaper changer).
Me: SS please be VERY still, you have a really runny diaper and I do not want your
feces flying all over the place, and KEEP your hands away, I DO NOT need help.
SS: Where's my poo poo Mama?
Me: All over sweetie... (I was distracted).
SS: Is in my gina?
Me: Yes, baby it is all over.
SS: Oh no, now my gina stinks.

Gee, and I thought I was doing a decent job containing the toxic spill. Bending over in laughter while doing what I was doing is not advisable. But I have no common sense and SS caught me off guard. Heh.

* SS has been able to say vagina clearly for quite a while. The gina word is one of those baby words she has picked up at school. If a child cannot pronounce a word, fine, whatever approximates the word is acceptable. I just don't understand people's need to give cutesy names to genitalia. Is it so hard to say penis or vagina? We all have them, come on, give the real word a try. God forbids your child finds herself in a forensic interview situation, you will be glad you did not cut corners. Trust me on that one.

** It should be vulva or labia and vagina, but it is difficult to get the outside/inside distinction down with little ones, and it improperly morphed into vagina. Heck, that is better than a cutesy name.

I knew it was only a matter of time before she stole my purse. This is the last time SS will get to wear her skulls and bones (aka Halloween) thighs. They are high water but she really wanted to wear them.

The line between quirky and weird is a very thin one.

Yesterday P had the longest conversation he has had with Grandpa since he was admitted to the hospital. Grandpa is slowly making progress, the NG tube is out, his kidneys are improving, his foot is looking better, and the doctors seem to have an idea about what happened. They believe that atrial fibrillation caused blood clots that spread through his system. That, coupled with the rhabdomyolysis due to the time spent unconscious or immobile caused his system to shut down. They expect him to remain hospitalized for another two weeks. Grandpa is bummed about missing Thanksgiving, we are elated he made it through.

The laissez faire attitude of the social worker and case manager finally resulted in some actual help. Legal aid came to the hospital and completed a durable POA, medical directive and living will. P should receive copies of the former two soon. P is relieved to know he won’t have to suffer through another 10 day stay in Hades. That uncertainty took a lot out of him and SS was a casualty of all the stress. Not cool when it affects the most vulnerable member of our family. We are making sure that SS never feels like that again.

After P called Friday to tell me the good news it was my job to inform Aunt Court and JJ. Once that was done I felt really tired, in bad need of a nap. P and his sister experienced the same, just the body’s way of finally letting go after an extreme cluster f*** in the magical land of stress. We then proceeded to do nothing last weekend. SS watched Toy Story 3 twice, in English and Spanish. In two short years she should be able to add another language to her viewing pleasure.

In a desperate attempt to have SS moved to another classroom we attempted potty training during the weekend. Seriously, what were we thinking after what our child had gone through? We were rewarded with a well deserved dismal failure and resentment from our already hurting child. This week we armed ourselves with a jar full of M&Ms, one of SS’s passions. We are lowering our standards and she gets one for simply sitting on the potty. A deposit, liquid or solid will earn her three M&Ms. We are holding on until we unveil our secret, last measure, this better works weapon, Toy Story pull ups. You know what they say about desperate times.

SS is doing really well in preschool, enjoys her time there, but eagerly jumps in my arms as soon as I arrive. There is no lingering behind for our child, she puts in her four hours, and then it is out of sight, out of mind. We are concerned because although we have regressed SS due to bonding, she is regressing in some areas that are unacceptable We do not do baby talk, SS already missed 15 months of learning English, we can’t afford to talk to her in anything other than correct words. But since she is around a bunch of two year olds she is picking up baby talk. That is where we draw the line, since P is still focused on getting her into a Mandarin immersion program. We want her to start K in the fall of 2012 like any other child her age. She won’t be accepted into the program unless her language skills are above average, since she will only be instructed half a day in English. Then there is D, a little dynamo in SS’s class who is the most aggressive two year old I have seen. That says a lot given the child population I worked with for so long. That girl is plain scary and does not like SS. It is simple child jealousy, but her way of coping when the attention is focused on SS is unacceptable. The teachers are on top of things and grab her before she can get to SS, but man that is one whacked out child.

On Monday we had a great morning. Since SS wakes up leisurely I decided not to give her the option to lounge around. We have 45 minutes from the time she wakes up to the time she has to be in the van. That is crazy because we had never managed to get out of the house in less than ninety minutes since we arrived from China. But if I give her time to wake up in stages, we would never make it to school on time. I get things ready before hand, this insomnia thing is actually paying off. At 6:30 a.m. I play the Wonder Pets CD, to avoid SS’s glare to combust me on the spot. After hugs and kisses we move to our bed, where I dress SS and comb her hair while she watches Nick Jr. We then move to SS’s bathroom for teeth brushing and mirror time. SS likes to check in on her beauty as much as possible. From there we move downstairs for more Nick Jr. until it is time to hit the road. The idea is not to allow SS to linger in one spot for too long.

Like I said, Monday was good, SS moved through the routine like a pro, no hysterics asking me to turn off all lights, no covering herself with her blanket, no lying down and going limp. I was so excited when we met P and told him how well it went. We did a happy dance and that should tell you where this is going. When I picked up SS I was informed that she had a difficult time keeping her hands to herself. WTF? After such an easy breezy morning? The teachers were nice and told me it was the first time, and to be expected in that setting. Not to us, we have zero tolerance for violence, and I was pretty embarrassed and upset. Other than trying to charge the little girl who touched me in gym class, we have never seen SS attempt strike a child. SS received a lot of talk from both of us about how hands are for loving, caressing, applauding, playing instruments, playing, dancing, waving (etc. ad naseum), but never for hitting. We quickly had to amend the last part, because children are literal, so SS asked if punching was OK. SIGH, no SS, hands are never used for violence. P is convinced that D’s evil ways are responsible for our daughter’s bad behavior. I am aware that SS is no angel and I am sure she has spread her own less than stellar behavior around her classmates. Our points of view do not matter, P wants her out of that class ASAP, so we must step up the potty training torture.

Tuesday night and Wednesday morning were rough. SS has a cough that would not let up, not even with her medication. She ended up in our bed because we feared she would choke. By 3:00 a.m. P gave up on sleep and was out of the house in record time. That’s my husband, my partner, the dude who was into all that in sickness and health, in good times and bad times, all that nonsense. Dude hightailed it. Can’t say I blame him, I wish I could sometimes get away, but no such luxury for Mamas. His rationalization was that he would be home early and give a hand then. I knew he would be giving the couch a hand but pretended to go along. Not everyone can stand crying and coughing.

SS fell asleep at 5:00 and I felt like a shrew waking her up at 6:30. I dressed her and combed her hair while she was asleep. Weirdest thing I have ever done and I have done plenty weird. I have no idea how we got out in time, but after one month it just falls into place. Then as we arrived at school my sleep deprived brain kicked in and I wondered if I was making a colossal mistake. The thought of SS going on a hitting rampage crossed my mind. Shoot, the last thing we need now is to have our daughter expelled from preschool. We are all for precociousness and over achieving in the evil incarnate department, but even we have limits. I informed the teacher about her morning and asked to be called ASAP if SS’s behavior deteriorated. Of course SS had received a huge talk about what hands are used for and what they shall never be used for in stereo.

No phone call Wednesday morning, nope, although I kept checking my cell making sure it was working. When I arrived to pick up my newly minted bully I was informed that SS had a great day. She kept her hands to herself, shared with her friends (that’s a first) and used nice words. What, nice words? No one mentioned not using nice words on Monday. Great something else to worry about. So when SS has an amazingly easy morning she hits, and when she has a horrible morning and is sleep deprived she is an angel. SS has officially crossed that very thin line between quirky and plain weird.

Monday:
We are enjoying our last 70+ degree days. This is an outfit I had forgotten in SS's closet, purchased about 4 years ago. Gotta love our November short wearing weather.

SS began to pose and direct my picture taking. Here she asked me to stand up. In the picture below she made me squat at eye level with her. So bossy, takes after her father.


Tuesday:

She won't RSVP for her cousin's birthday.

We have discussed SS’s amazing ability to hold a grudge. So far her nuclear family have been the only recipients of her gift. JJ only felt her wrath for the first time in Maui (lucky dog). SS has now managed to break her own record, she is holding on to a grudge for almost four months. Not even her mother is that petty (P might beg to differ).

It all started at the wedding reception in July. Although Cousin B and SS are only 8 months apart in age, have very strong personalities, and had been ruling their respective roosts without opposition, they surprisingly got along very well. We know SS was not sure what a cousin was (probably still isn’t), but Cousin B and Cousin H were HER cousins, and gosh darn it they were so much fun. She finally met the kids she had seen in so many pictures, and heard so much about. The girls played very well without any incidents during the rehearsal dinner. If anything, P and I were watching closely to make sure that SS shared with Cousin B. For some reason both girls did not consider Cousin H competition (wait until that boy grows up, heh). Women…

The next morning we had a swimming date at our hotel and once again the girls got along so well. Even though Cousin B was not into the whole swimming thing, once SS got her showing off swimming out the way, they happily chased each other around, while the adults failed miserably at stringing coherent sentences into a conversation.

They resumed their playfulness at the reception, chased each other around, pretended to sleep with Grand Min, learned how to set fires with Grand Min, danced, laughed, kissed, they had a blast. Then as the evening was winding down, SS began to feel the effects of all that fun, on a less than ninety minute nap on Baba’s lap. Cousin B had the benefit of a few hours nap in her hotel room.

We started noticing SS’s diminishing energy and were getting ready to make and exit when it happened. SS was sitting on a chair being unusually calm. She had her back to us, but we know our daughter well, her body language was waning energy. Cousin B was still going strong, the girl could have out drank and out danced everyone there. It happened quick, P missed it, and I don’t claim to know exactly what happened. It appeared that Cousin B really wanted SS to leave her chair and get down and boogie. She went towards SS, put her arms around her neck (no malice intended at ALL, kid was only 2) and pulled. I helplessly watched from the other side of the table as my daughter fell head first.

Aunt C immediately picked up SS and held her. I am a mother, I was not thinking about niceties, I rushed to my daughter and asked Aunt C to hand her to me. For what it’s worth, P is very used to this when SS is hurt. The thought of her head or face landing on concrete was all I could think about. Aunt C and Uncle M were, like any good parent would, right on top of things. They had poor Cousin B (poor thing had the deer caught between headlights look) apologize. The socially acceptable thing was to prod SS to accept the apology, reaffirm that it was an accident, and close the book on that unfortunate boo boo.

But the pain from the fall, coupled with SS’s overall tiredness (refer back to our need to fill our days away from home to the max) made it difficult to proceed with innocent perpetrator and innocent victim societal rules. We knew SS did not want to go into a social ritual, she wanted her Mama’s comfort and she wanted no further contact with anyone other than Baba. That was not situational, when she hurts she wants Mama and only Mama, but Baba can hover around. We felt horrible, but of course we took care of her needs. We retreated to the dance floor for a slow dance, and the three of us had a good cuddle which helped calm down our distraught daughter.

Ever since SS has been less than enthusiastic about Cousin B. Initially we attributed it to SS’s temperament and even found it funny. Kids are funny creatures. SS loves looking at pictures and naming the persons on the pictures. Ever since she focuses on Cousin H and says “ I love Baby H.” We let to go for a while. But SS still ignores her Cousin B.

While in Maui we related the story to Grandpa, who found it funny, but did not actually believe us. That is, until they had the following exchange:

GP: I love you SS.
SS; I love you Grandpa.
GP: I love you, and I love your Cousin B, and I love your Cousin H.
SS: I LOVE BABY H!
GP: And you love your Cousin B.
SS: Silence.

We know that the wrong approach with such a stubborn child is to force the issue. We do not force SS to say she loves anyone, not even us. We do not believe in coercing love from kids. But we talk about how much her cousins love her, have NEVER talked about the (non)incident and just wait for SS to forget. That might take longer than expected.

We received an invitation to Cousin B’s birthday party. Dude, girl is already 3, how the heck did that happen? Yeah she lives in Missouri, but we appreciate that Aunt C and Uncle M include SS. We also received a cute Halloween picture of the G family. SS snatched the picture from P and yelled “I LOVE H!” Good, she has allowed him to get past the baby stage. P did not bother to point out that Cousin B was in the picture, useless with our little mule. Instead, P backed her into a corner with the invitation, as it had a cute as heck picture of the birthday girl.

P: And who is this SS?
SS: Long pregnant pause, then in the surliest teenage tone we have ever heard… “B”

OUCH! We think SS is not going to RSVP. This is the first time since we received SS’s referral that we are not sorry that we live so far away. SS will eventually come around.

Grandpa is lucid.

P was only able to talk to him for a few minutes, but said it's the better he has sounded in the hospital. Grandpa had to cut it short because he was meeting with friends and the SW trying to get his bills sorted out. The fact that he talked about bills is a good sign. Also said that he was aware of our calls and attempts to help. It took him 10 days, but he finally made it through mentally. They did not discuss his health. P is hoping to talk to him within the next few hours.

Just a few hours before this call the nurse had told P that there was no change in his status, physical or mental. The magic of letting go...

Last night I was telling P about a book I just found, the sitcom S@#% My Father Says is based on it. I wanted to order it for Grandpa to read during his recovery, thought he would love the raunchy humor. Amazon here we come.

A happier and calmer SS is always a good thing.

We had a very good evening yesterday. P and I talked during lunch and knew that we had to get back into a routine, and to refocus on SS, on us. When SS woke up from her nap we had cuddle time, and we talked about what things she might want to do this weekend.

I could tell that SS was anxious about spending time with her Baba, because she insisted on going outside to wait for him, even though it was cooler than usual. She kept pushing me out into the driveway and asking me to go and get Baba.

To distract her, I asked her to help me with dinner. It still blows me away how she has the rice cooker down. As soon as I tell her we are making rice, she goes to the pantry to get the rice, then over to the spice cupboard, and gets out the salt. She then asked for her big step stool, not to be confused her her two little step stools.

As I was dicing chicken for yummy curry, SS was unusually quiet and not getting into everything. She leaned her head on my shoulder and said "I am happy." I asked her why and she responded, "you are cutting chicken." Translation: "You do not have a phone glued to your ear. I am standing next to you helping you cook, the way it should be. I like having your full attention." Either that or she has a dicing fetish.

A while later SS spotted a fly that got in when we carelessly left the front door open. SS hates insects and yelled, "A bug, Mama, it's a buuuuuuuuuuuuuuug." I told her it was a fly and that I would kill it once I was done dicing chicken. SS laughed, pumped her fist up and in the air and exclaimed, "Kill bug, YEAH!" I don't think exposing SS to school, normal children and adults, and mandated reporters is such a good idea.

I managed to swat the fly and retrieved it with a paper towel to toss in the trash. SS was carefully monitoring every move. She shrieked as I was about to toss it in the trashcan, "Wait Mama, I want to see." I opened the paper against my best judgment, SS did her maniacal laugh and said, "Yeah, kill bug." Talk about a moment worthy of a Rockwell painting.

P did something he had not done in a week, catch a rerun of the previous night Daily Show without interruption. He usually handles bedtime, but I took over to give him a well deserved break. By the time I came downstairs to get him to tuck SS in he was dead to the world. I convinced SS to forgo the tucking in for one night because her Baba was exhausted. She surprisingly went down without protesting.

Our happier SS was evident this morning. As P was about to enter his building SS called out "Bye Baba. You are sick, you need to rest." How adorable is that? We are looking to sleeping in tomorrow. Since we have lousy rigid internal clocks that translates into staying in bed, giving SS lots of cuddles and tickles. Once we drag our lazy selves out of bed, we are going to treat our daughter to outside time. We are looking forward to our weekend.


A much happier SS this morning, except for her attitude at the beginning of the video.

I am grateful that P can take the time to indulge SS in some loving before school. Even if she is in a lousy mood he manages to have her smiling by the time we leave.

The fish get her first good morning greeting.

I dumped SS's phone last night. The girl had 412 pictures in there. Granted, I do not remember when I dumped her phone last, but 412? I think that it is a good idea to provide toddlers with cameras. It gives you an inkling about how they view the world, what they find interesting. It won't give you hope that your child will win a Nobel prize in applied physics, or for finding the cure for cancer, that is for sure. Thankfully for SS her parents are on the low achieving, low intellect side. Another look through SS's prism:

Making neccesary changes.

Last week P acquired a full time job manning a calling center. That is in addition to his full time, delicate job. A few weeks ago P was helping a coworker store a fluid in the storage room. There was an OOPS and his coworker ended in the ER with burns to his face and arms. Luckily both P and the coworker wear glasses. It saved their eyes. P picked up splashes in his face, arms and got a nice hole in his shirt. That happened with a rested P, free from major stressors. While he can't avoid life's vicissitudes, he must certainly find a healthy balance.

Last night the SW suggested ways to minimize the vast amount of phone communication that we have been slammed with at home. We need to maintain as much of a routine for SS, because the kid is starting to crack. She misses her Baba and is sick of watching him with a phone stuck to his ear. We are going to stop all non essential phone contact. She had a major meltdown this morning and I was surprised by its intensity. She was letting me know that she has had it and we heard her loud and clear. Good thing we were working on this last night.

We are about to max our text quota, something that has not happened in the three years we have had this cell phone plan. This is also a sign that there is too much texting going on, and we need to stop. P is going to do his best to stay off the phone at work, he does not want it to affect his performance or how he is viewed by his supervisors. Since Maui is two hours behind CA, this works very well for him.

Late last night P received a phone call from the couple who found Grandpa. They have been visiting him daily and were puzzled as to why Grandpa was still non responsive. Yep, P is the communication hub, the head of our new calling center and he forgot about them. OOPS! They were in the dark about his condition, and P shared as much as he felt they needed to know. Again, finding balance.

The reality is that Grandpa will undergo a lot of tests, but what is the use of disseminating every aspect of his care when there are no new findings, when there is no change. If I had to relate what I went through daily while I was hospitalized I would have been exhausted. It is useless for P to parrot non events daily, and it is pretty exhausting. He needs to focus on work, on his child, and on meeting his father's needs to the best of his ability. No need to share every step of how he is taking care of that responsibility. Grandpa entrusted him with his care, he expected P to come through for him, and that is what he has done.

The old adage that no news is good news works wonderfully here. So the call center is shutting down for now, until there are actual news to share. We are used to weekend calls to catch up, but our usual during the week is very low phone activity. This will allow us to regain our footing as a family. Because things have changed significantly around here, it is only a matter of time before P will have to travel. We need to focus on the logistics of that, and enjoy whatever calm we get before the storm. As much calm as one can enjoy with a hyperactive three year old. But that is the kind of calm we welcome anytime. Now SS and I can do research on Strawberry Shortcake. :)

Happy Veteran's day Grandpa.

They sure hang loose in Hawaii.

This afternoon P had a conference call with the hospital's SW and Case Manager. They were scheduled to call at 5:30, our time, but called more than an hour earlier. The idea was to allow P time to be home from work. Good thing P goes to work so early, he just had to leave. The SW began with a recap of what we know, which is not much. One week in critical care and still incoherent, P is the medical surrogate designated by Grandpa and medical decisions are his to make at this time, and all information goes to him, and he is responsible for sharing as needed. Sharing nothing on a regular basis does get boring. OK, tell the man something he does not know.

Then we stepped into the Twilight Zone. The CM was talking as though Grandpa was going to walk out of the hospital and resume his life without a hitch. UH, one week incapacitated people? Should we be thinking contingency plans? The doctors have been straight forward with P about this. In their easy breezy nature the SW and CM glossed over the rent issue, stating that November was a lost cause, so they would work on a plan for December. Really, how the hell do you propose for this to happen? We are not even going to get into what the property manager said that pi$ed P off, but suffice it to say, they want their money, and now. The house owner is not available at this time, and P will simply wait for his call. Of course we would love for Grandpa to wake up tomorrow in the same condition we left him in September. That is what we are praying for.

It is useless to go into the rest of the conversation as it would not add anything of value. Finances will be in limbo until Grandpa is lucid enough for their legal department to get a durable POA for P to take over his finances. So we wait for that window of lucidity. After the phone call P looked at me and we busted up laughing. He asked "Why was I the only rational participant in that conversation? Were they in the same hospital as my father?" Well P, you are just not used to hanging loose my man, you are too darn rational for your own good. There, I said it. P is doing a wonderful job of juggling, and getting as much as he can done. I am very proud of his patience, and how calm he has remained when all hell has broken loose around him. But like he said to me earlier, "I have done this three times now." Plus, let's face it, he has the best two assistants in the world, not only do we provide a shoulder to cry on, but we give the best hugs and kisses. :) It also helps that we were able to visit to recently and have wonderful memories of that time.

Towards the end of the conversation the CM stated that she would call in two days with an update. P and I looked at each other upon hearing this. But the thing is that the doctors need P's consent for procedures, so P will be the first to know if there are changes. We doubt that there will be two days without changes, as they are still trying to stabilize the man.

The latest from the nurse is that the colonoscopy was completed today but they do not have results available, and Grandpa has an NG tube.

This situation has made us think a lot about how we would fare in similar conditions. From the moment we conceived of a Baby S we undertook an overly simplistic approach to a possible catastrophic event. SS belongs to her brother, they will have the same last name to avoid possible complications (as if), and JJ will not only assume custody of his sister,but wade through whatever mess we leave behind. OK, we never intended on the leaving a mess behind part, but reality is that excrement happens when you least expect it. We have clearly expressed our wishes hundreds of times, and of course everything is going to go as planned.

Now we have a deeper understanding of what would happen if we would be incapacitated, or if one of us would perish and the other in a coma. To expect JJ to take over every aspect that took both of us to manage is incredibly short sighted and unfair. Between making medical decisions and dealing with a traumatized child his plate would be replete. Who knew we would have such a learning experience. BTW, this is how we see our rather complex situation. This is completely different from Grandpa's, his is fairly straightforward. We have just reconsidered our expectations and options (two parents only one adult child). We would be after all leaving a minor child behind.

Before we get more morbid here, SS's godmother once said that we would not need a guardian for SS. When I asked her why she stated that after we waited so long for our daughter, she could not see us leaving her side, so if the unthinkable happened, SS would be there with us. Auntie C is pragmatism personified. And that is how she found herself in the position of godmother to our child. Except that now her plate is about to be fuller as we are going to make a few changes. JJ and SS will always be a team, but we are going to spread the legal responsibility to include Auntie C. We think her and JJ would make an excellent team, nurturing, protecting and guiding SS in the manner we would have. Plus Auntie C is a formidable trouble shooter and can cut through bureaucratic tape like no one we have ever met.

OK, anyone know a good joke? Need to lighten up a little.

Nothing says "We love you and are sorry for neglecting you for a week," like an artery clogging meal. Then we can reinforce how much we love SS by pampering her after her quadruple bypass surgery.

At this point SS took over and said "How about this Mama?"

Then, "how about this?"

The Fisher Price recall kit finally arrived, and we are glad to have SS confined once again.

Pandora's box unleashed.

Communication is much better but answers are not flowing as we hoped. The initial concern about rhabdomyolysis is not as severe, but there are still many unresolved issues. P was informed that the dialysis was discontinued due to grandpa's agitation. It was rescheduled for this morning. We are hoping that it was successfully completed.

So far Grandpa has had two CT scans and they have not seen bleeding or any other indication of a stroke. Then why was he on the floor unable to get up?

They think the blood clots were originated in the heart. Other than that not much info other than the use of Heparin.

Grandpa has a faint pulse on his ankle but the doctor is not optimistic about avoiding a below the knee amputation. However, this is low priority at this time. Given that Grandpa has spent a week in critical care and is not stable, talk of severing limbs or other major surgery is premature. It would be nice for a decent period of lucidity for Grandpa to know this is an option. We would hate to have him wake up post surgery in a total state of confusion. I'm pretty sure P is right about now wishing he was not the first born. He is solely responsible for some very difficult decisions.

There was a colonoscopy scheduled today, but Grandpa did not pass the solution that was supposed to cleanse his system. And of course they do not know why. I recall feeling so bloated, ready to burst, and about to vomit violently when I had my prep for my last surgery. I can't imagine how it feels to have that much liquid in your stomach and no outward flow.

P received a call from the surgeon to request consent for an endoscopy to try to figure out what the problem is. I would take an endoscopy over a colonoscopy any day. P agreed to the procedure and now we wait for the outcome.

Mental acuity is still an issue and of course no answers as to what is causing this. That is other than the fact that Grandpa's system is a scary Pandora's box that has decided to unleash every known ailment at once. Grandpa has always been very sharp mentally, but his body was not in good condition pre hospitalization. All this has definitely taken a toll on him.

P has decided that Grandpa is not going to return to his rented house upon discharge. This means that we are going to have to find a way to place his belongings in storage. As P stated several days ago, no matter how he recuperates we can't have this happen again. Now P also has to work on taking charge of Grandpa's finances and make sure his bills are paid. That would be easy if P had a clue about Grandpa's finances. P talked to a representative from the management company is trying to reach the owner of the house.

Then we have the added concern of Grandpa's new roommate who moved in recently. But again, not much we can do about or for this person. Grandpa is not returning to the house, roommate is going to have to make alternative plans. That is yet another pleasant phone call for P to make.

Did I mention that the past week has been a blur for us and that the constant state of being in the dark is getting on our last collective nerve? SS knows something is happening and is trying to find reassurance in the only way she knows, by being a royal pain in the rear end, by demanding, by whining, by purposefully breaking the rules. It's tough and I need to take deeper breaths, and just cut her some slack.

JJ is going through some deer caught in headlights moments, and it truly sucks that he is three hours away. JJ has never had to face a grandparents' illness before. Even when Abu had cancer (her 3rd or was it 4th time?) she gave very little information as to her condition. So JJ and I were equally blissfully ignorant. This is his first time dealing with a probable grandparent loss.

P is beat and has aged quite a bit these past few days. He does not do illness and death well, he frets and agonizes about outcomes. Having elderly parents taught me to be pragmatic at an early age. P has said many times that a 16 year old has no business planning and executing a funeral. True, but it taught me a heck of a lot in a very short amount of time.

So this, in a nutshell is it for us. We wait for news, developments and I'm sure many more upsetting things. The next step is the easy one, getting Grandpa's belongings stored. Dude, I do not want to be there when P tells him about his decision.

5:30 p.m.

P spoke with Nurse L who stated that the endoscopy went well, no sign of bleeding or other concerns. She also told P that Grandpa is in a good mood, actually laughed after his dialysis this morning. I was nowhere near his predicament last year, and I'm sure no one would have described me as being in a good mood then. :) So go Grandpa! His mental acuity is still an ongoing concern. We are grateful with the baby steps we get.

P is now on the phone with the SW inquiring as to what to do next. I do not think she was thrilled about P's decision regarding the house. However, she has no idea how wheelchair unfriendly the house is, and how he won't be able to function there post hospitalization. We do not have the means to upkeep a three bedroom home waiting for a person who won't return to it. P has taken quite an emotional beating already, and it is time for me to step in and get him to let go for a while and relax. He has a little girl who is missing him terribly. They need some uninterrupted one on one silly time.

And of course a POA requires a lucid individual. UGH!

The frustration continues... (Updated)

P received the POA and ROI via e-mailed Friday night and immediately went to his work to print, sign and fax the forms. He was told that Grandpa's attending physician would call Saturday as well as the social worker. We (P, JJ, Aunt Court and I) have tried to talk to grandpa without success. He is either asleep (completely understandable), being assessed by the nurse, or the phone rings and he does not pick up. We doubt that he has his hearing aids and probably can't hear the ring.

It is frustrating to be completely in the dark regarding his condition and prognosis. P is barely sleeping because the stress from this incident, coupled with his nasty cold has done a job on him. There's only so much one can do an ocean away and traveling to Maui now is not an option. P does not get family sick leave, so if he goes that is income he is forfeiting in addition to the flight cost. He has decided that if he travels it is wiser to do so upon discharge, to settle Grandpa back in his home and deal with whatever services he might need. Whatever he needs to do needs to be done with as few missed days of work as possible.

Of course there is the temptation to leave the social worker a message REALLY voicing displeasure with the lack of communication. But P knows that he is officially Grandpa's spokesperson now, and that it will be him dealing with the hospital staff. Not a good idea to pi$$ them off. But the temptation is so there. I am proud of P's restraint, I am not sure I could be so clear headed. So here we wait for news...

It's been pouring today and a while ago we had mild hail. SS got a kick out of seeing ice fall and tried to get it in her mouth. She is an ice freak.


UPDATE: 4:40 p.m.
The social worker informed P that Grandpa has been sleeping a lot and arranged for a nurse to call.

The nurse informed P that Grandpa could not tolerate the dialysis, not known why. He has a blood clot in his leg, which makes this thing even more eerily similar to JJ's predicament years ago. Grandpa is on Heparin. The blood clot makes sense if he spent a lot of time unconscious and in the same position. we were discussing that the weather in Maui was a blessing, as it remains in the 70 degree range at night.

P was able to discuss our concern about Grandpa's mental acuity. The nurse thought that how he presented was normal. That is a hell to the no! Grandpa is VERY sharp and articulate. It is why we have been so frustrated that they had not called, to ask someone who had first hand knowledge about Grandpa's usual mental and physical state.

My first attempt ever at braiding hair. I better get good at this soon, because SS keeps waking up with serious bed hair knots every morning. A loose pony tail comes off in seconds, and a tight pony tail is uncomfortable.

Story time last night. SS's new found fear of Halloween has not stopped her from requesting the book Spooky, Spooky, Spooky. It has such great illustrations.

Our miniature Elvis loving Chilean miner.

Right under SS's right are are the remnants of her latest acrobatic attempt last week. We have warned her hundreds of times not to balance herself on every object she encounters, especially balls. But like Mami said "nadie aprende por cabeza ajena" (no one learns through someone else's head), and SS had to keep pushing her luck. Her last attempt happened in the kitchen, and SS missed the edge of the cupboard's door by next to nothing. I am stunned that it did not result in a trip to the ER. The magic of tenacity and endless imagination.

Same trick, different decade, different delivery.

When JJ was SS's age his strategy to get out of eating was to pretend that he wanted the food, but wait for as long as possible to take a bite. Sometimes he would take a bite, but would extend the chewing for an inordinate long period of time. Once that magical time had elapsed JJ would announce that he could not eat the food because "it's spoiled." The time elapsed always varied because three year olds are not good with the concept of time.

Yesterday SS handed me her cup and stated she could not drink her milk because "it's sour Mama." I had no idea how long the milk had been in that cup and did not know if P or I were the one to give her milk. Since we were still in that deer caught between headlights haze I dumped the milk, and rinsed the cup. As I was getting ready to get more milk SS requested juice. Fine, we were so scatterbrained that she missed a great opportunity to get a screwdriver instead. So OJ it was and we had a happy SS.

Later in the afternoon SS tried it again, except that I was finally more clear headed. With all the sincerity of a pathological liar she took a sip, made a face and announced she could not drink the milk, again, it was sour and she smiled as she requested juice instead. Not so fast there Missy. I had given her the milk barely five minutes before, tasted it, and it came from a gallon that does not expire until November 15. I am older, slower, but eventually caught up to the old JJ trick. Couple of decades later, different delivery but still a sneaky attempt to get away with something.

SS was totally freaked out this morning because it was dark outside as I was getting her ready for school. She wanted Baba to come home, not an option. She then was afraid to go outside because "it's not wake up time, not school time Mama." It was cloudy and SS could not see the moon, so we wasted some time looking for the moon. Kids... But once she saw P at work she was reassured that it would be OK. Glad that daylight savings time is this weekend.

We finally have had some progress with communication regarding Grandpa. P is concerned about Grandpa's inability to remember or articulate what is going on around him. He left a message with the medical social worker and finally received a return call a while ago. Grandpa is in critical care and designated P to make medical decisions on his behalf. Once P receives, signs and returns the ROI (release of information) and POA (power of attorney) forms the information should be forthcoming. P also needs to take care of many other things in his father's life that he has no clue about at this time. This may require a trip to Maui.

What the heck Mama? It's still dark out here.

The skeleton that is still scaring SS. I am a huge procrastinator when it comes to taking down decorations. That being said, I wish they could take that thing down so SS will stop burying her nails into our skin.

A perfect storm of miscommunication.

Yesterday we managed to make three accidental bad moves that resulted in some serious worry and guilt at 5:30 a.m. today. P came home yesterday at around 4:00 p.m. after a sleepless night. I was outside with SS to keep her out of his hair and he tried to nap upstairs. Unable to fall asleep he joined us downstairs, but left his cell phone in our bedroom. Bad move #1.

P was looking forward to a rerun of The Daily Show (from election night) at 7:00 p.m. but exhaustion claimed him by 6:30. SS also fell asleep on our sectional by her appointed bedtime. I am the night owl and decided to postpone moving SS to her room for fear of awakening her. After two tries that resulted in SS waking up and demanding that P joined us upstairs I gave up. The sectional is long enough for all three of us, so why not camp there?. Since I could not sleep I was playing 10 simultaneous games of Words with Friends (free Scrabble ripoff) on my cell. I turned off the ringer to avoid waking up P and SS whenever a move came through. Bad move #2.

This morning P called out to me from our room at 5:30,(he was getting ready for work) and said he needed me. He looked scared as he handed me his cell, said that he left it upstairs, and found voice mails from a Maui number, his sister and his mother. P asked me to listen to the messages, because he could not handle what we both suspected. Had we looked at the order of the calls we would have known that it was not his grandma. But that was our fear and it hit us both very hard.

Turns out that it was Grandpa, he was found by friends, unconscious at home, and was hospitalized. His friends called P first, then his sister, who then called their mother. Following? That means from Maui to California, to Missouri, to California. While P dialed his mother I checked on my phone and that is when I remembered my ringer was off. UGH.

We immediately wondered why Grandpa's friends and others did not call our home phone. P has been lobbying to get rid of our land line and I have always countered that we cannot rely just on our cell phones. What happened? Our phone would wake the dead and it would not have mattered if we had to deal with SS's grizzly mood, it would have been worth the wake up call.

P talked to his mother and eventually reached the hospital where our miscommunication luck kept its stride. From P's side of the conversation I could tell that he was being interrogated by the nurse. P explained that his parents were divorced and that he was Grandpa's son. P seemed frustrated and his sister was mentioned at some point. WTF? Nurse Dude was more interested in a family tree than providing information to a clearly upset son? Then P's expression told me that it was really bad. The words brain bleeding and ventilator were repeated. It was the longest 10 minutes before P was able to figure out that he was provided information about the wrong patient. Talk about a welcome relief. Grandpa was stable and P was able to talk to him briefly. Grandpa's electrolytes were very low, he could not recall what happened, and had trouble articulating what had been done or would be done to him. Fair, that is what the nurses are for, right? P talked to Nurse A, and knowing that he was in good hands P decided to call later in the day.

Before leaving for work P once more wondered aloud why no one called the house phone. That is when an incident from yesterday gave me the answer before I asked P to check. We received a call from an 800 number and not wanting to deal with solicitors I returned to the kitchen. Three year olds do not understand call screening and SS would not stop asking why I did not answer the phone. Who knew our daughter would become Ma Bell's version of Ms. Manners. I saw SS with the receiver up to her ear, I asked her to hang up, and she complied. I went on with what I was doing in the kitchen. Bad move #3. SS is a button pusher, button slider, or whatever else you can do to a button,a switch, a lever or anything that resembles any of the aforementioned. P found several calls on our phone and the ringer off. Our own Gremlin had a hand on our morning worries.

We are waiting for information from Grandpa's friends who will visit at the hospital. The nurses are not being very forthcoming with information because Grandpa is "alert." Let's see, alert after being unconscious for God knows how long, with low electrolytes and in need of dialysis. Come on, isn't nursing a "helping" profession?

From now on we vow to keep all our ringers on. This will require a lot of checking of our home phone. This would be a good time for someone to remind me why did I think it would be a good idea to parent at my advanced age.

Today's comic relief was inadvertently provided by Nana. Aunt Court asked her what was SS for Halloween, and from the blog pictures Nana thought that SS was an airplane. :)






SS begged for baby carrots when we were shopping yesterday. Had to get them, because what kind of mother would deny her daughter vegetables just because she had some at home. SS happily munched on the way home.

Getting over our Halloweern weekend.

It's official, we are too darn old for the amount of fun we had this weekend. Since we were all nursing colds maybe we should have stayed close to home, but what heck, it's a once a year thing. SS was a bear to wake up yesterday morning. I had to dress her while she was still asleep. We knew getting her up in the mornings was going to be the most difficult part of her transition and she has proved us right. SS was in such a foul mood that I did not even bother to stop by P's work for her morning kiss. She was royally mad at me for interrupting her beauty sleep and would not even hug or kiss me goodbye. I have a feeling she is going to make me pay for this when she is a teen.

This morning was much better for SS, although P and I were barking like seals. I have never seen P cough so much, I thought he was going to throw up. He said that now he feels even worse about SS's hacking fits. SS was in a pepperoni pizza with sauerkraut mood and Baba indulged her during lunch. Our little girl happily ate half her sour pizza at Costco and polished the second half when we came home. P thinks we should start putting sauerkraut on all her food.

We have made a huge effort to stick to a bedtime routine with SS. Dinner, bath, teeth brushing, story, then crib, even if she is not sleepy (in bed by 8 p.m.). It's been two weeks and P has done an amazing job being consistent. I am very proud of his efforts and we have only screwed up during the weekends, nothing wrong with some occasional co-sleeping when she spends 5 nights in her room. However, the goal is to have her in her room full time. It's been fun to have the daylights punched and kicked out of us for the past two years. But we know that SS is now secure enough with us that she can stand the separation.

Trust me, you need to try this, it tastes really good. Come on, you know you want to.

Here it goes...

YUMMY!

Doing her civic duty. I had never set foot in a polling place until I was old enough to vote. SS now has quite a few voting experiences at her young age.

SS is still walking around with the Halloween card Nana and Grand Min sent her. But she is calling it her birthday card. Whatever floats your boat little one.

Always a pleasure to have our daughter act like she is in need of a 5150 hold while we shop. Maybe the super hero thing is going to her head. Love the way she pronounces hero. Her emphasis is on HER- O, so darn cute.