Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Trying to balance things around here.

When I started training last year P was the one driving SS to and from B&G since it was way out of my way. Then last August I began to work full time in town, but P continued to drive. They really bonded over the summer, and perhaps after five years of having SS mainly to myself I felt I owed P his share of SS time. But it's also nice not to be the one getting our beast out the door most mornings. Then in February I noticed how P cherished the odd Monday that was a Holiday. Seems silly since he is off Mondays. But they guy was truly excited about not having to wrestle our beautiful bear every morning.  Darn, I felt guilty. I take care of getting SS's clothes ready, but P makes her lunches when he gets up to make us coffee. And 99.9% of the time he brings me a cup of coffee in bed. Because our wake up time is when my body tells me it's time to go to sleep. And P is still on wake up and detangling duty. Mind you I have made it clear that his way of waking up SS bothers me. I like to get her up and going, while he favors bringing her to our bed to cuddle, then watching cartoons approach. But since they both are slow to get ready to get out of bed I have given up.  It's their thing.

I work 1.4 miles from home, and P works 1.5, I no longer have to go out of my way to get SS to B&G. In fact, we work a couple of blocks from each other, and start work at the same time. As nice as it is to just worry about getting myself out of here ten minutes before I start work, I do miss my baby girl. And it is weird when people do not know I'm her mother, or think she does not have a mother. My presence at B&G is merely for archery these days. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. Before our trip I told P that I was going to alternate weeks with him for chauffeur duty. I excitedly told him that I would start the Monday after our return, and that got me a weird look. Oops, I magnanimously offered to start the week of Spring break, when SS was home.

Today was my return to driving Ms. SS, and it felt good to have my baby in the backseat again.  It's time for P to have a few minutes in a quiet house before heading to work. It is why I requested to start half an hour early, it's so eerily quiet when they leave at 6:25, I could not stand the empty feeling. And SS made my morning when I was getting her hair in  pony tail. SS beamed and said "Mama, you are really good at this. Not Baba and JJ, it's REALLY difficult for them." Good to know that I'm still needed for a few odd jobs. And I'm going to be more mindful about evening the load around here.

It's been a while since I have done SS's morning picture.

Perhaps this is not the best time for me to do this, because things at work are a hot mess. The stress is more than when I was taking kids out of their homes. Yep, that bad.  But leaving work to get SS made me feel so good. SS's face and enthusiasm upon seeing me made all the bad stuff go away.  That is, after the staff wondered who I was, and were surprised when SS came running to me yelling Mama. What a feeling.

SS can't pass by a pineapple without going on about Maui. I need to get this one ready for her lunch box tomorrow.

SS was very excited that JJ got his glasses, even more excited than him. Maybe this is why she has adjusted so well to wearing them full time. It's four eyes for everyone here.And JJ selects frames like his sister, it is over in five minutes.

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