Friday, October 08, 2010

Quick resolution.

Wish all stumbling blocks were this easy to resolve. We are not going to deal with PH, they can basically go fornicate themselves. I called SS's doctor's office this morning and received confirmation that she is indeed up to date with her shots. Dr. J (Dr. S's husband) went over her records and was very upset at the treatment we received yesterday, and blatantly stated that they were only doing it because SS is adopted. Dr. J stated that he would support whatever decision we made, but that he would not subject his child to unnecessary vaccinations just because she is adopted. His reaction surprised me a little, because he (like his wife) is the easy breezy type. P reminded me that he is also an adoptive parent, and then his indignation made perfect sense.

Then I had to call MU and talk to Director D, because they will have to deal with community licensing and PH. The problem is that yesterday's fiasco was not the only thing keeping me from sleeping. As much as I hated divulging certain aspects of SS's past, I knew there was more that we would have to disclose once we selected a school. If I fell I was throwing my second born under the bus then, this was going to hurt even more. It is also part of the reason I spent hours watching her sleep last night. But SS is going to spend a significant amount of time at school, and looking after her is no longer the job of three. For SS to receive the best possible care I had to suck it up and have that talk.

Thankfully it looks like we made the right choice with MU. The PH debacle was not a problem, and DD was very understanding of our decision not to subject SS to unnecessary immunizations. But they do have to provide records to PH, and we will simply sign a statement that we are choosing not to immunize our child. That part takes care of the bureaucratic maggots. But SS's immunization records will be in her file to reflect that she is indeed up to date. DD was puzzled at PH's stance since she knows many children in the community who have been adopted internationally, and all children attending school must go through PH. She wondered why are they so obtuse? Moreover, what happens to our children born outside the U.S.? SIGH

We discussed attachment and the need to strictly follow the guidelines needed to keep SS from "parent shopping," and from forming an unhealthy attachment to a stranger. Although SS will be their second Chinese child, they have a lot of experience with foster care children. They are well aware of post-institutionalized (foster care is akin to an institution) behaviors and to avoid falling for manipulative behavior. Ironic how strangers are more supportive and understanding than family. That one will never cease to blow us away. DD was curious as to our background because she found us far more objective than most parents. First, thank Mami, she loved me but was realistic about her child. Second, that job I hated so much has been a tremendous help. I owe a debt of gratitude to so many children who without knowing, helped me understand what I was up against when we met SS. But more important is my partner in crime, my equally realistic husband, who loves JJ and SS beyond reason, but has never put on rose colored glasses. Without him I would be an even bigger mess. Plus this is not our first foray into parenthood, something the teachers and DD did not know. DD related some of the over the top reactions from parents when they are told the simple truths we shared about our daughter. Two of the subjects were very difficult for me and it took a while to spit them out. Those are issues only P, JJ and I knew and we decided would remain just home for now. Things that were part of my daily work, but SS is not my client, she is my child. Totally different ballgame, no matter how people perceive our approach as clinical.

Lately SS has been saying "I need that (fill in the blank)." Before she said I need my whatever. It reminds us of a horrible movie with Brad Pitt, where he attempted the worst Irish accent in the history of cinematography, and the line "I need that money Tom." We find ourselves repeating that dumb ass line, because it is darn funny when SS phrases her requests that way. That is, until she says "I need that drink." Our daughter coming across as the littlest alcoholic is not funny. She is usually more precise and says leche, jugo or agua. Not sure how well that new phrase is going to go over at school.

SS's school countdown. Every morning she happily picks up the Sharpie and (with help) crosses off the previous day. We then count how many more sleeps until her big day.

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