Monday, December 21, 2009

Catching Up.

This is going to be long, boring and all over the place. Pretty much how life has been since I last posted...

I guess we should get the health talk out of the way. I had a really tough week with dizziness, a spike on my BP (164/124) even though I'm BP med compliant, and the never ending skin problems. Nurse V is pretty sure that I am allergic to the adhesive. The yeast infection is gone, but my skin is still irritated. Nurse V called Dr. S and as a result I am on Prednisone, something I hate. I return to see Dr. S Wednesday. She consulted with a local pharmacist to see if Nurse V's idea could be implemented. She wondered if the steroids could be applied in powder form directly on my skin. The pharmacist needed a few days to research. Leave it up to me to be allergic to something so vital to my existence. Their concern is that not only do I have 2-3 months of adhesive use, but they want me as strong as possible for the reversal and that is not happening. I am now using hypoallergenic tape on my incision and hypoallergenic paste for the C-bag. Nurse V is experimenting with different bags looking for the mildest adhesive. Of course that translates into less stability. In the meantime, I keep forgetting to take my steroids. Heh.

Last time P Skyped with his mother, they talked about my upcoming surgery. I was in and out of the room, not really paying attention, until I heard the tail end of a reference to SS not belonging in a hospital setting (not verbatim, as I was not listening in). I LOST it. The reality that I will be separated from SS just smacked me stunned. I do not think anyone other than P realizes SS's need for her Mama. Yes, all children need their mothers, but SS is just needier due to her life circumstances. At the same age, I would not have agonized over JJ if I was hospitalized. I know he would miss me, but it would not have been as detrimental as to what we already saw with SS two months ago. Our girl deteriorated quickly when she was without me. I made P promise me that she would come everyday, and to make him understand that I will always call the shots when it comes to SS's emotional well being. I have been a mess since. This is really worming into my psyche and I know I'm making matters worse on myself (and P). There is something about this much simpler surgery that is messing with my mind big time. Bottom line is I must have SS by my side as much as possible. She has already been abandoned once (twice if we take into account my birth mother's cowardly conduct) , I do not ever want her to think that I have left her as well. How scared am I? I have come close to ask JJ to take time off to be here. Just a bad feeling about my prospects under anesthesia.

SS continues her love affair with music. We love her, but the girl is tone deaf. Yet that does not deter her from belting out tunes and singing her little lungs off. P recorded SS garbling some tuneless song and we e-mailed it to her Nana. I received a response from Nana that had me in stitches. She asked if SS was singing Jingle Bells. Dear G0d, love is not only blind, but apparently deaf as well. I forwarded the email to P, who was as mystified as me

SS has a really good ear for instruments. She hears a piano riff and her little fingers immediately moves as if tickling the ivories. Last week we were listening to Conga, and when SS heard the first conga solo she shouted "DRUMS!", picked up the Desit*n tub and began to play on it. She was in her zone and those little hands did a good job of imitating what she was hearing. P and I have no musical talent whatsoever, we are going to be paying for music classes. While piano and drums are her favorites, she has recently become aware of guitars. I do not know if it is simply the shape of the instrument. That's another toy instrument on her wish list.

T@rget is now the place for popcorn. As soon as she sees the store she begins asking for pop corn. Last week P dropped us off in front because it was raining. She whined when we waked by the snack area and I said no. Usually this leads to even more whining. SS had a little fast forward look into her teen years. She crossed her arms, gave me that now famous C scowl, locked eyes with me and said "Baba get popcorn for SS." Excuse me? I said no and you are threatening to go around the barn? The girl has Titanium ovaries. A few days after that, SS saw a T@rget bag and got the sudden urge to eat popcorn. Now just seeing the darn logo makes her long for a treat.

P gave me a scare without thinking about it. He was coming downstairs and commented on how lucky we are with SS. Our house is not baby proofed. The kitchen gate was the extent of our baby proofing efforts. We have dozens of outlet covers still in their packaging. That is where we are lucky, that SS, for all her impishness, pretty much keeps her hands to herself. Then P says, "you know what that means right?" No, not sure I know. He continues, "it means that when Baby D comes home, we are going to be screwed. He is going to be into everything. We are going to have to learn to baby proof after having it so easy." What was so scary about that? In case you have been living in a monastery, International Adoption is the pits right now. The China program is as good as closed. For us, it is not a matter of having unprotected intercourse and have a child. Once SS came home we knew that if there would be a Number 3, it had to be Asian, preferably Chinese.

So here I am enjoying what I thought would be my last child. Seriously, I am pretty content with my children and no longer have an overwhelming need to add to our family. I also thought when the China program changed, our plans changed. Where the heck is P planning on getting Baby D from? More over, how did we end up so far apart about something so important? All I could think of was the paper chase. I probably would volunteer for a third surgery before doing another paper chase. And I'm actually good at it, bureaucratic red tape does not intimidate me. There is some weird gene in my DNA that makes it a breeze.

But back to hypothetical child. It was scary because P would not make a comment like that unless he meant it. That is the scary part right there. Perhaps not a wise comment to make when your wife is recuperating from surgery, having a lousy week, her BP is spiked, and she is barely keeping her head above water looking after her easy child. I think a talk is definitely in our future, but not now. I'm too darn tired to get into life altering discussions. To be honest maybe my recent surgery could possibly make me ineligible for the China program. Then there's my age. Do I really want a small child at my age? I am doing fine with SS, but I can't imagine two little ones right now. P has always been adamant that SS not be raised as an only child. In my current selfish mode, I think that is what play groups and preschool are for. SIGH

JJ came home today, and SS just fell asleep on his lap. I was surprised when I saw him, because he is battling a nasty cold. He is getting sneeze fits and I feel so sorry for him. But he said he'd be here Christmas week and kept his promise. We have good kids, we have been fortunate that way. P worked yesterday but will have to work tomorrow. His instrument is still acting up and he is behind on his testing. That blows baby chunks, because the plan was to celebrate Christmas tomorrow.

JJ texted me this morning as he began the drive. I told SS "you are going to see JJ in a while." She responded "JJ coming home,drives car." Cars are still a big deal in SS's world.

Dr. S gave us a good laugh Friday afternoon. SS was getting restless and I addressed her in Spanish to get her attention faster. I asked her to be quiet, stand up and be still. SS did as I asked, totally catching me off guard. Dr. S stated, "Wow she speaks three languages, English, Mexican and Sign Language."

Mismatched pictures and lots of them:

We like her crazy sunglasses.

Love her button nose and her delicate hands.

Modeling the dress her Aunt V gave her this summer. As we were getting the Christmas cards out, I had the deranged thought to get SS in the dress, force her to stand still, so Aunt V could see her all pretty.

Good thing the girl is photogenic and loves to ham it up for the camera.

Right after her visit and picture with Santa. That is the same outfit SS wore last year. That is how we screwed ourselves out of a Christmas card picture. Still, P came to the rescue and the three pics we used worked well. I'm going to have J scan and redact our Christmas card and will post later.

Our Christmas miracle.

SS is very comfortable, P not so much.

SS has taken an interest in her Tater Head family.

We evicted SS and Tater family from our bed.

No, a LOT of trouble is brewing.

Cookies and cream, but SS ended up eating Mama's Cherries Jubilee.

The best part, eating the cone. We just love how her arm is draped over the back of the chair.

Had to take this one, these are the last leaves left.

Checking Mama's reflexes.

Happy to be carried around by Baba, while Mama holds her cherry limeade.

Now, what do you think happened? Hint, P was laughing his a$$ off while taking this picture.

I spilled my Route 44 diet cherry limeade. My husband was too busy laughing and taking a picture of my mess to lend me moral support. I was beyond mortified. This is why he is not getting Number 3. Ha!

It's moments like this that fool us into thinking we want more.

1 comment:

Brenda said...

Thank you for the darling card. SS looks adorable.