Sunday, April 15, 2012

Sunday brunch.

Sunday morning found SS and I tired, sleepy, and in need to remain in bed. P had made plans and that resulted in a very cranky SS, and equally cranky Mama being awakened way before we were ready. In my case, I had only slept close to an hour, and was in no shape to leave home. P insisted that we would only be at brunch for an hour, but we knew that was a bold face lie. Knowing that we needed SS on her best behavior, I gave her a choice between two outfits. That turned out to be a major blunder, but more on that later.

We met Nana and Grand Min at a country club for brunch, and for SS to receive her birthday gifts.I was concerned because I knew that since SS had a a feast day the day before, food was going to be the last thing on her mind. I also knew that on certain occasions, P is absolutely clueless about SS's needs and discomfort. At those times I have to be hyper vigilant, which is exhausting and frustrating. That is why when SS added her cape to her outfit I did not care. SS made her grand entrance to the stress fest, proudly wearing her cape. I'm pretty sure they have seen that before.

SS chose to open gifts before eating (big surprise), and was very excited about the register, bead set, and beautiful clothes. One thing that surprised us was that she did not ask to open the gifts and start playing there. We are grateful that for the most, SS is pretty reliable. As we were going to get our food, a woman asked me if SS was Wonder Woman, nope, she then asked me if she was Batgirl, nope again. Loved the look on her face when I said that SS was Super Guy. Love messing with the minds of normals, then walking away. The golf course reminded us of, and made us yearn for Maui. We had an amazing lunch sitting outside with the four of us plus grandpa.

One of the disadvantages about having such a petite child is that people treat SS as if she is much younger. Heck, we do at times, and have to self monitor. At five, SS is perfectly capable of feeding herself, and if for some reason she needs help with feeding, ONLY WE can be the ones doing the feeding. I do not have a problem letting people know this, but the onus should not be solely on me. SS has two parents, she is not the product of a single parent home. My solution is not to expose SS again to a situation where this will be an issue. Attachment is a process, and consistency is of utmost importance. On a good day I can be patient when people do not get it, but on not so good days I refuse to become an attachment educator. I do not mind a single thing I have done for SS, do not mind a single accommodation I have made for her benefit. Thus, I do not think it is asking too much to share the boundary setting burden. Because working on attachment is taxing, and that is someone in perfect health, and surrounded with people who understand, and even if they do not understand, respect those boundaries. A stay at home parent shouldering the majority of attachment work is a stressed the hell out parent under the best of circumstances.

But now on to the major blunder. Wanna know what one hour sleep, excruciating pain, stress and irritation can do? It kills whatever few neurons were firing. In the afternoon P made a store(s) run. I asked him to pick up some spring pajamas for SS. We had yet to dig out the ones that were somewhere in the garage. I was feeling lousy about putting SS to bed wearing a T-shirt and undies. P called me to inform me that we had taken our daughter out, in the daytime, at a country club no less, dressed in pajamas. HUH? WTF? I went upstairs to look at the tags I had sleepily removed that morning, and yep, dude was right. The fact that there were two bottoms should have been an obvious giveaway. I was freaking mortified, seriously upset. I do not fuss much about my appearance (yeah, I know I should), but my kids' is a different matter. Mr. Sunshine tried to make me feel better when he came home, P said "the girl walked in wearing a cape K, NO ONE was paying attention to the clothes of the little girl wearing a cape, and carrying a Green Lantern toy." SS, this is another "look how lame my parents were " moment to add to your therapy list.

SS is a super hero, Lego kind of girl, but she LOVES pretty clothes and Nana is very good at choosing pretty clothes. We know SS loved the sweater, because she immediately held it to her face. She loves to snuggle with pretty, soft things. That came across as kind of pervy.

Our pajama clad super hero striking another menacing pose.

There was one last gift waiting in the trunk of Nana's and Grand Min's car, and it was THE GIFT, as far as SS was concerned. SS has been on a sports kick lately, and has repeatedly requested a basketball... and a soccer ball, a baseball, a football... Name a sport with a ball and SS wants one. SS was SO excited when we arrived home and requested that we teach her how to dribble. SS had never attempted to dribble before, and did a good job, given that I was the dribbling instructor, and I can't dribble worth jack.


Michelle said...

People who are not educated on attachment(or never had to deal with attachment issues) just don't get it. They never will.

I love the cape. I think it totally makes the outfit. :D

2china4S said...


I agree, what I don't understand is why people are so heck bent on being so disrespectful to SS's needs. It's not about us wanting SS all to ourselves, it is about SS's emotional well being. And while P understands and agrees, he throws me under the bus when it comes to his family. I'm sick of it. I don't like being the bad guy, but for SS's well being I will. It should not be this difficult.