Saturday, January 04, 2014

Guess who has a driver's license... and two daddies.

P and JJ had to go to DMV in December and I asked that they take SS and get her an ID card.  It's something we have had on our to do list for a while. And after having to prove that I am SS's mother it became more important.  This is SS's new driver's license:

Of course it is not a driver's license, but SS thinks it is, and she feels like a grown up. She now has a DL that looks just like ours. After gushing over how cute she looks, I focused on the blue and red lines. Age 18 in 2025, and age 21 in 2028. There is no better reality check regarding your own mortality than looking at those dates.

The day the ID card was issued they had picked up SS at school before heading to DMV. I did not braid SS's hair because I wanted her beautiful long hair to show on the picture. What I did not take into account was that SS was going to put a full day of school. Like most kids her age, SS is not a picture of perfect grooming after school. 

P told me that afternoon that he felt like the most inadequate father in the world. There were two ladies behind the counter, and one immediately chided, "Dad fix her hair." As he is doing just that the second added "Dad fix her collar."  First, what the freaking hell is it with people calling someone mom or dad? Sorry to rant again, but it just bugs the HELL out of us to hear that. We are NOT your mom/dad, it's condescending and unnecessary. Back to P, he felt like an idiot. I asked him how bad was SS's hair and inadvertently poured salt on his wound.  He asked me if I thought he'd allow her to be photographed looking messy. No of course not (my bad, my really bad).

During the grooming lesson J had joined them, gave P some bad news, and that made P be short with JJ and roll his eyes at him. Then it was JJ's turn to be photographed and get his DL. I had a nagging suspicion on the back of my head at this point, giving JJ's and SS'a last names, but did not want to bother P further. I was giggling inside thinking about their assumptions. Then P surprised me and said that when JJ started processing his request it dawned on him that the women most likely thought that SS did not have a mother, that they were her daddies.  Thankfully P has come a long way from the days when he was taunted for similar issues. I cringed when he said it because I did not want the incident to put him in a bad place again. My husband is way past all that shame, that otherness, and had a great laugh about the whole thing.

P even said that it was such a set up for the women with him being short with JJ and rolling his eyes. Great, that poor girl's daddies are having a spat in public. And Poor JJ took his husband's last name, that is why the girl and him have the same last names. Darn, it was quite funny.  I asked JJ the next day about his impressions, just asked about the grooming request. My son went straight to the issue, "Mom they SO thought we were a couple, it was obvious. And while P is getting her ready, I could see the judgment ooze from behind that counter.  That poor girl needs a mother." Other than the judgment part JJ thought it was hilarious. And like P, he did admit that the eye roll business was just the "clue" the Mc Judging Twins needed to reach their conclusion.  I was grateful that it happened here and not in The Conservative city where we previously resided.  There, like they did with SS's Social Security Card request, they would have made up an excuse to deny SS the ID card. Even though our move to sunny So Cal has brought some thorns, I am so grateful that there's more diversity and tolerance. And let's not forget the great weather.

******Before I'm misinterpreted and flamed, I have nothing against conservatives. You'd be surprised how conservative P is about some things.  But that city wore that conservative word like a badge of honor. I wished they had been honest and said that they were ignorant bigots.  And when the result is us driving to Sacramento get SS's Social Security card, her right as a citizen, and many other plain discriminatory practices to minorities... That is plain wrong. *********

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