Friday, February 06, 2009


Wish I could say that Baby S had a wonderful day yesterday. She woke up wailing and it went downhill from there. Everything made her cry and not that fake cry, but crying with tears. I hate seeing her tear stained cheeks, because I know it is my fault. Yesterday the sofa was the cause of most of her crying. Baby S has been climbing on the sofa since she arrived home. Initially, she would take a pillow from the sofa and use it for help. Now she scares us daily because it is not unusual to find her trying to sit on the back of the sofa. But yesterday she was incapable of such a feat. She would pretend (she is into pretending these days) that she could not get on the sofa and asked me to pick her up. I did a few times, but I am not into enabling, so I left her to her own devices. That pi$$ed her off and she had a few fits. Baby S would get off the sofa, deliberately leave Funky Dog behind, then pretend that getting to him was as insurmountable as climbing Mount Everest on her own. Our daughter is the ultimate drama queen, but OMG she is so freaking cute.

Anyway, our morning was all about her crying. At one point she was inconsolable even if I picked her up. I had to call P at work, something I do not like to do. He has his job, and for now my job is to take care of our daughter. I am feeling like such an incompetent mother. Baby S kept crying for a few minutes but P was able to get her to stop. He was surprised that she was so upset and more surprised when I told him it had been going on all morning.

Yesterday I realized how much I pick Baby S during the day. You know one of those things we do on autopilot. We do not deny Baby S hugs, kisses, cuddles or holding her because, well, what’s the use in denying affection. Still, I did not realize how often I hold her. At one point she did the sign for up and I held her. She kept doing the sign and since I had to get something I picked her up. She still kept doing the sign. Now I was puzzled and she would not stop. Then she pointed at the ceiling fan and it hit me, she wanted to be held over my head. She likes it when we hold her up and she tries to touch the ceiling fan. As adventurous and stubborn as I am I was not about to try that. I was really hurting and had to pass. Baby S had a cow, no wait, she had a herd. Sweetie, can’t do that until Mama gets better.

When P came home for lunch he made sure to play with Baby S and hold her a lot. That seemed to fill her tank and she cried much less in the afternoon. We rewarded her with a nice strawberry bubble bath last night and P allowed her to stay in the water as long as she wanted. Baby S “discovered” the new bath toys her Nana sent and that distracted her for a while. I was sitting on the glider, which can be easily seen from her bathroom. It was funny how she would play a little then look at me say hi and smile. Baby S has such a kind heart. We brought Baby S to bed with us but she was restless and P had to place her in her crib. She slept but was thrashing all over the place.

I can’t wait for this to be over because it is really taxing on Baby S. Plus, although I do pain well, worrying about Baby S makes me more vulnerable. If this continues Baby S is going to learn some colorful language. I have been very good, but hey there’s only so long I can take, before I lose my patience and the colorful language slips out.

The positive side is that once P comes home this afternoon we have him for two full days. Weather permitting we will be outside with Baby S, allowing her to run, climb, scream and do whatever she wants (within reason). Sorry about the lack of pictures, but I just have not been in the mood. I know, a first for me. I might add some old ones later on, that way Abuela won’t send me a nasty gram, I mean e-mail.

An oldie but goodie, Baby S doing her Baby Hulk imitation.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

That sounds so incredibly hard for both of you. She doesn't understand what's going on and you in so much pain. I'm so sorry. I wish I lived closer so I could come over and help you out. I know what it's like to live with pain and I worry what will happen when we have Sophie if I am unable to care for her.

Like my sister always says, "Moms don't get sick days"!

I hope you are feeling better soon! Sending healing thoughts.