Monday, September 13, 2010

An unintended first for SS, because her parents never learn.

SS is going through a chatterbox stage, if it crosses her mind it is coming out of her mouth. She goes into those modes every so often, what is different this time is the new and clearer words we hear. Last night she was in such a mood, although we were trying to watch the VMAs. I fell asleep just before the show was over and P woke me up and asked me to go upstairs with them. As soon as he said upstairs SS hightailed it up the stairs, P stayed to straighten the mess and asked me to go ahead. I walked into our room to find a very hyper SS jumping on our bare bed. The little stinker had removed all the linens and had trashed them all over the bedroom floor. I groaned in frustration because if I do not get so sleep right away it takes me hours to get back to sleep. When P joined us he got to work right away, but first had to chase SS from our bed, who was not only hyper, but in a "I help Baba" mood. It took him a few tries to peel her away and we got to work as a team to get our bed back in sleeping form. SS is a persistent little thing and kept trying to help, while P tried to keep her away, just think of an ice hockey goalie and that is pretty much what it looked like. When SS made another attempt at helping, P looked at me with apparent frustration and said "And you do this every f*cking day, all f*ucking day long.!"

I lost it, as tired as I was I felt so sorry for the guy. All he wanted was to get the bed done for us to rest, but SS is a formidable foe and foiled his well meaning attempts at slumber. I laughed so much, I could not stop laughing, it was too freaking absurd not to laugh. P does not drop the F bomb frequently, and when he does you know he is at his wit's end, or has had the air knocked out of him. SS is really good at getting people to that point. SS is quite a challenge to parent in private, all her good manners and gentle ways are forgotten, and she goes full blast into everything she does. I never envisioned being home more than six months and often wonder how I have made it for two years now. I asked P if he would like to spend six months with SS so they can work on bonding. I just love the look on his face when he sincerely says "F*&# NO! I love her but there's only so much I can take." Oh come on, if little old me can do it, so can you. :)

Today I finally had my yearly check up. P asked me if I wanted him there and I told him it would be a good idea for the p@p smear part. Then why oh why did we end up in one of those embarrassing situations? I thought Dr. S was going to do other stuff before the PS, so there I am in a very uncomfortable half paper gown and paper blanket, and thinking when I should ask P to either move SS behind me or take her to the waiting room. But they were both into a Toy Story book and next thing I know, Dr. S starts the exam. Just as I am trying to concentrate on anything other than what is happening, I hear my very loud daughter announce, "Baba, it's Mama's v@g*na!" I so wanted to die, a very quick and horrific death. Dr. S thought it was funny and said "Oh, this must be SS's first PS." Then SS proceeded to inquire at full volume what Dr. S was doing to Mama's v@g*na, and what was wrong with Mama's v@g*na. I felt that last shred of dignity dissolve at that moment. That's it, it took her two years but I have no dignity left. Removing SS from the room was not an option at that point. She would have screamed that she wanted to stay with Mama's v@g*na and neither one of us wanted to risk further embarrassment.

Because the situation was not awkward enough, I told SS that I spent my summers pretty much watching Abuela do what Dr. S was doing. Meaning that I sometimes got more than an eyeful of a total stranger's privates. Dr. S thought that was very funny. I guess now I have no right to question my mother's judgment when I do no better with my own children. On the way to the car I told P that at least we use the proper anatomical terms with SS. She could have spouted out several more embarrassing pet names.

And how was your day?

As soon as she walked in the office SS began to look for "My Toy Story book." We really have to get her one.

Contemplating whether the Nemo book would do. It didn't and I was dispatched to find the freaking TS book.

She is getting so much better with Legos.


Brenda said...

Holy cow, K! A gynecologist does not perform this "procedure"??

2china4S said...


Yes, gynecologists do perform them but also general practitioners. I am comfortable with my GP, one less person to get acquainted with.

Brenda said...

Holy cow - K - that's why they make chocolate and vanilla. I have concierge medicine and a wonderful internist. But I would never let anybody but a gyno touch my netherworld. You're a trusting soul!

SS looks so doggone cute.