Eleven months as parents to the most amazing little girl in the world. It seems that SS has been with us forever, but we know better. We know that she is still struggling with the loss of her SWI family. We know that SS is still grasping the concept of Mama and Baba, and how we are different than any other adult she encounters. For SS to understand and accept this, we have made changes, very unpopular changes. Believe me, I would gladly live in denial, but the price is too great. Also, I am a very unpopular person in my own home. SIGH
JJ called me Saturday, and stated that he wanted to do whatever is needed to help SS heal. However, he was concerned that SS would think that he did not want to hold her, kiss her, hug her, feed her, etc. I am gladly taking the blame, and reminding SS that only Mama and Baba hold her. JJ was concerned that the withholding of affection might cause SS more harm. I told him that he can high five SS and pat her on the back. JJ was obviously hesitant, but agreed to do as asked.
Seeing JJ and sticking to the new rules was hell on wheels. Actually, hell without wheels, because we are stuck in hell and can't get out. SS was devastated that her JJ did not hug and kiss her. Before driving home, we stopped for gas and JJ and I entered the convenience store, leaving SS in the van with P. P told me that SS had a meltdown, crying over JJ, not her Mama.
When we arrived home, SS woke up and reached out for her brother. P brought her upstairs to me, and the man was not happy. He was upset because he thought it was unfair to both SS and JJ. Sadly, life is not fair, because if it was, SS would have had a peachy existence at the SWI. She would not be experiencing loss, insecurity and lack of trust. I know that it comes across as cold, but that is our reality. It is also the first time JJ and SS have been together under this circumstances, and they both need to adjust. I have been blessed with amazing children, and I know that they both will get through this. Good thing I am not famous, or a M0mmy De@rest book would be in their future.
The drive from our home to JJ's town is one of the most boring ones I have ever traveled. Those three hours are sheer torture, with way too many curves to maneuver. Once JJ was in the van, we were able to relax and the drive home was very pleasant. We were talking and laughing, and the three hours really went by fast. It was nice to have our family together on Family Day.