Sunday, November 15, 2009

Lazy Sunday.

Our brains had a lot of good intentions upon awakening, but our bodies rebelled. We all have our days off, but for the first time since arriving from China, all three of us are chronically fatigued. SS's current erratic sleep cycles are not helping. She is crashing very early, but is also awake between 2-3 a.m., then back to sleep at 6:00 a.m. We spent most of our morning in bed, talking and cuddling. We are unabashedly embracing our tired as heck status, and taking it easy.

Early in the afternoon we dragged our lazy selves to go shopping. Cousin Bel's birthday is next Friday, and her gift was our first stop. We bribed SS with popcorn and she was ready to shop. Our next stop was the supermarket and SS fell asleep half way through. Our Energizer Bunny is becoming tired after very little activity. I reached my limit after SS, and P was ready for a break by the time we came home.

Our cooking extravaganza did not materialize, due to our unrealistic expectations. The last time P and I cooked for a week in one day, we were both healthy, and we did not have a 2-year old underfoot. Nana left a message this afternoon, and it seems she has some ideas for
quick, tasty meals. Good, we could use some of those.

SS has not asked for Abu since Friday, totally out of character. P and I have yet to sit down and talk. I know that he is upset for believing her, for always giving her the benefit of the doubt, for thinking she would come through for her granddaughter. He can't help it, he tries to see the good in people. I am a jaded b*tch and sadly, have an uncanny ability to read people. I much rather be like him.

While I was showering today, I started thinking about tomorrow. My biggest challenge involves the home health nurse (HHN) visit and SS. If P can't leave work, we are SOL. They take a minimum of one hour, and I can't leave SS in her room that long. I planned on having her sit on the bed next to me. The problem is that I do not want SS to see my incision (without the dressing), or the nurse messing with it. It's too much for a little person. Also, an hour is a a heck of along time to expect SS to be still. I have no choice but to allow SS to watch TV ( our huge NO NO).

That is when the past few days hit me all at once. Did she really leave? Yeah, she did. Did she leave my two year old daughter without the slightest concern about her well being? Yep, she did. She callously turned her back on my innocent, helpless daughter. I gave her a pass about not accommodating me when I was ill. Dude, it's me we are talking about, bottom of the pile me. I gave her a pass about refusing to help JJ, thinking that no one wants to spend more time than necessary with a distressed adolescent. But SS? What kind of person abandons a child? A child who witnessed her mother bend over and fall to the floor in excruciating pain. A child who had to get her mother's cell phone because her mother could not move. A child who walked into the Emergency Room with her normal (to her) Mama; escorted her to the OR, then was greeted the next day with a Mama attached to an IV pole and tubes protruding from her body. A scared child, an emotionally spent child. A precious child that needed something so simple. She needed her grandmother, who happened to volunteer, to help her get through this. Instead, her grandmother first left mentally, two weeks on the phone coddling a 51 year old felon. Then her grandmother left physically, not caring what would happen to SS. I was angry, really angry. Seriously, who the hell does something so detestable?

I give P a few days before he finds himself pondering the same, and feeling the same way. I'll be there for him, we'll talk, then we'll move on. Right now we are still in a WTF haze.

Keeping SS entertained while we pick a toy that is not for her.

One of the little things we take for granted. I could not hold SS when she fell asleep.

Good thing Baba was there.

SS only slept half an hour, then fell apart until Mama held her. I love my cuddle bug (P placed her on my lap, no lifting on my part).

SS even helps with the dishes.

Our little helper.

Five minutes into Nana's call.

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