It has hit the fan.

Last night was a very difficult one for all of us. Although we had an amazing time this weekend, SS's behavior raised a few red flags. During the drive home, P and I talked a lot about what we noticed, and are in agreement. During our long wait, we read A LOT, followed Chinese adoption blogs, and tried to do our best to prepare to parent a post institutionalized child. My work in a psychiatric hospital, with abused and neglected children and in behavior modification, has exposed me to a wide range of behaviors. As a result, I do not freak out when children are less than perfect.

Then last night, we had an incident with SS, something we had not witnessed before. I immediately knew that something was terribly wrong. I also knew that I could not make it better. I am her mother, and I could not prevent it, nor I could make it go away. P was running an errand, but when he came home and saw SS, he knew. OK, I was not imagining things, but not much comfort.

I called the only person I knew would understand,Michelle . It takes someone who has walked this path, or has prepared to walk this path, to really get it. Thank you so much Michelle, for talking me down from that ledge. You have no idea how much your support means to us.

Ironically, yesterday afternoon, I ordered this. I learned about it from a mother, who is dealing with a RAD diagnosis. We have a lot of work ahead of us, but better now, while SS is relatively young. Still, it hurts something awful to know that your child is hurting. Especially when all you have seen is the happy go lucky, content side.

Today, SS's issues have consumed our day, and I am very tired. We have to keep our routine, so we went for a 90 minute walk. I usually do not walk that long, but I needed to clear my head. P played with SS while I cooked dinner, just like any other day. Then just around the same time as last night, it happened again. I hope this is not a daily occurrence.

I will post in more detail about our concerns later, but I want to do it when I am in a better place. I need to choose my words carefully, for SS's sake. Also, we already know that we will have to return to use the Ergo, and to have only Mama, Baba and JJ touch or hold her. We are in for a truck load of fun.

How come I did not think about this before?

Snack in my bib pocket, sippy with milk by my side, let's roll.

At this point in our walk, we could hear, but not see, a lot of birds. Birds are SS's current object of interest. She spent a long time trying to spot the source of the melodic sounds.

This afternoon. SS showed us that she can kick a ball very well. Sadly, I was unable to catch her in her kicking glory.

Bad, blurry picture, after a swift kick to the ball.

P warming up SS for her real kite. She has a big fish kite that we are planning to enjoy this weekend.

SS was not pleased that she could not touch D0ra.

Success!